Thursday, October 11, 2007

Ann Coulter: This is Your Mama Calling

Ann Coulter has recently been quoted as asserting that the Jewish people of this world "need perfecting."

Now, that's just silly.

Ann, you need a timeout. You have garnered so much attention from your tantrums that I don't think you remember you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, sweetheart. Annie, are you afraid that if you stop screaming and holding your breath and throwing your toys that people will stop listening to you? Are you afraid that you are only getting noticed for being bad? Do you crave the nation's attention, even when you know you're being naughty, because you think that is the only way anyone will listen to you?

You need a hug. You don't need to pander to the base neanderthal part of men to replace your daddy's love. You don't need to be mean to those women who lost their husbands on 9/11 to get back at your mommy.

Shhh. It's okay, Ann. No matter how bad you've been, no matter how sad and angry you are on the inside, you are still a lovable person. Shhhh, now there. It's okay.

Annie, everybody gets older. There is so much more to a person than looks. You can start to let go of that, just a tiny bit, now that you're nearing 50. Come on, let go. There you go, now go get a skirt that's a little longer. You don't need your hair to be bleached to within an inch of its life to be attractive. You can trim all that damage off, keep some of the length, and go for a softer color. It's okay. You're still pretty. Yes, you are. You are a pretty girl, but you need to remember that pretty is as pretty does. In which case, I think you might want to avoid mirrors for a while, until some golden words start coming out of you. There, now child. The universe wants all of its children to be the best they can. Are you trying your best? I know you love God, Ann. Is this what Jesus would do? I want you to pick up your mess and go write a nice letter. Right. Now.

And when tomorrow comes, I want you to open your heart, smile, and treat people the way you have wished to be treated your whole life.

Now scoot.

22 comments:

Robin said...

I'm perfect just the way I am, thank you. And I'll thank Ann Coulter to leave me and all of mine the eff alone.

Ignorant twit. Why oh why does the American public give this woman and people like her a platform...

Mary Alice said...

You go Mama. And by the way, thanks for posting the video, I had not seen it before. Though I was a little distracted by all of Ann's hair tossing, I admired Elizabeth Edwards even more when it was through. What an articulate, intelligent woman. What a role model. And Ann, well, Ann is a “mean girl” I think we all knew someone like that in high school. Some Mean Girls never grow out of that stage…there they are tossing their hair and dripping venom at PTA meetings, in offices, and apparently some, even on national television.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Ann Coulter is like Paris Hilton. I just wish we could ignore her until she goes away. Ugh.

Nancy said...

Although she is an idiot, the problem isn't her using the freedom of speech, it's the media and general public feasting on it.

If she wasn't booked on shows, interviewed, or debated with ... she wouldn't constantly be "on stage" with her opinions. The reason she is out there is because people respond ... even bad press is attention.

If we'd ignore her, maybe she'd drink a tall glass of shut-the-f*ck-up and would go away.

Side thought: I'd love to sneak up behind her and lop off her hair ... I think she thinks she's "Samson".

painted maypole said...

i have to say, I don't follow ann Coulter at all, but I watched that video, and she seems like a pompous, unlistening, I'm always right, I'll twist your words to my purpose kind of gal.

and yeah, the hair tossing HAS to go.

Love your letter to her.

Crystal said...

That woman is disgusting. I try to ignore her as much as possible.

MamaLee said...

I'm a conservative. I don't make an issue of it online, because it's not what I want to focus on. I'm a mama, I want to raise my children with a good set of values, etc etc.

And I used to like Ann. She has made some good points. But I do agree with you - I think she's lost some marbles. I think there is a way that she (and everyone else) can get her/their point across without offending so many people. Honestly, I've stopped listening to her.

Hope you still love me! xoxo

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

Kill her with kindness. I like it. Oooooor, just kill her. One way or the other, I'm ok with it.

Jen M. said...

Mamalee, I love all nice people!

And Nancy - she is Sampson. I hadn't thought to put it that way. The woman would lose it if she were shorn ;)

sara said...

OK, I am going to go there--- I am so tired of mean, intolerant, judgmental people passing off their mean, intolerant, judgmental beliefs as "Christian." Frankly, Ann Coulter's ongoing venomous commentary is decidedly UNChristian.

Yes, I have an active church life. Yes, my husband is currently in seminary on the ordination track in a Christian denomination. And YES, I do proudly label myself a LIBERAL (a person whom Coulter equates with the scum-of-the-earth or just plain inane). Imagine~ a LEFTY Christian! One wouldn't know there was such a thing if television was one's sole source of information.

Coulter is NO spokesperson of mine.

Jen M. said...

Sarah, I am a "lefty Christian" myself. Not too many of us out there, I think.

Robin - ignorant twit indeed.

M.A. - I know! The hair tossing! It drove me to distraction. If you look her up on YouTube you'll see she does that ALL THE TIME.

FOM- totally Paris Hilton. But not as smart.

PM, Crystal - I want to ignore her and not follow her, too. She's like a car wreck, for me. Can't look away.

Jessica: Yeah, if only words would do the trick.

Audubon Ron said...

Jen M., you’ve hurt my feelings. You don’t understand me. Nobody understands me. I’m complicated. I’m not evil, I’m Eve. I’m doing what every red blooded American needs to do; I’m telling it like it is. So, you need to climb down off of my skinny ass lady.

P.S. I’m sort of in between boyfriends right now, kinda gave the last one his walking papers because of all the shit he wanted me to say to him in the bedroom. I’m not talking dirty during sex. That shit’s definitely out. I got my own rocks to get off. So, like I got this big thing to go to this weekend and was wondering if you knew any eligible nice men you can hook me up with.

Ann C.

(Not really, hey it's Audubon Ron mixing it up a little, testosterone checking in).

Cathy said...

Maybe a nice sedative, along with the new hair color ... ?

jen said...

Poor Ann. So self righteous, so little time.

Just Seeking said...

Jen, you could so totally go as Ann Coulter for Halloween! (you're prettier though---and a LOT nicer!)

That hair tossing was soooo annoying!

I try to ignore her too. I think it's just like the bully on the playground---they are seeking your attention. Poor, sad, pathetic souls. If she didn't get so much media play, I agree, she'd just have to dry up and blow away.

I also was very impressed with Elizabeth during the video. John just might be moving up a notch on my list! :-)

Mrs. G. said...

When I saw Coulter's recent comments about Jews, I didn't fly into my normal rage. I finally figured out that every time she says something hateful that inspires millions of people to yell and scream and want to, well, lynch her, her latest book makes it to the NYT Bestseller's list and she makes another friggin' trip to the bank. I'm with you on why a woman with millions of dollars can't cut off the dead ends and find a decent colorist. Goldenrod just isn't workin' for her. And doesn't she remind of you of THAT girl in high school who made life miserable for the rest of us?

andi said...

You are so much kinder to her than I am capable of being. Perhaps she needs to look in the mirror to find someone that truly needs "perfecting".

secret agent said...

OMG
freakin hysterical!!!

Mr. Fabulous said...

You are so nice. I think she needs tough love. Very tough love :)

Daisy said...

Ignorant twit, indeed. Get this woman off the airwaves.

Lorelai said...

No I'm not a fan of Ann, not all of us conseratives are like her and frankly she gives us a bad name. It is sad!

However, as a blonde if she wants to color her hair until it falls out let her do it. lolol

Crystal said...

Lefty liberal Christian here too.