Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Assistants Apply Here....

Not a lot to say today. I'm sick, which just bites, and I have to somehow get it together to play with Jack, keep him happy and make phone calls today for the Democrats.

Ever tried to make phone calls where you needed to sound professional with one or more kids in the background?

Me: Hello, this is Jen M with the [My State] Democrats. I'm calling about that box of supplies we needed sent out for the mock convention.

Important Hillary Staffer Who Lives With Her Cat: All right, let me check on this. I'm going to forward you to our grassroots...um, I'm sorry? Was that someone screaming?

Me: [furiously shoving marshmallows into mouth of offending child] Screaming? Heh. Nooo. That was probably a Republican who got in.

Important Hillary Staffer Who Has Also Never Accidentally Grabbed Her Daughter's Underwear Out of The Laundry Basket and Spent the Rest of the Day Pulling Stuff by Hilary Duff Panties Out of Her Butt: Um, okay. Anyway, before I transfer you, I wanted to make sure you're all up to speed on the fundraising...I'm sorry. It sounds like someone is in pain. Is everything all right?

Me: Of course. We just have this initiation with new volunteers in the office. It's crazy. We pretend they're kids for a day and we say things like, hold on and I'll show you: Jacob! Get the kazoo out of your pants and get your sister's makeup off your face. NOW. It really works. They vote Democrat for the rest of their lives after this.

I need an intern.

22 comments:

suburbancorrespondent said...

I hate it when the person on the other end says, "Maybe I could call you back at a better time." Lady, there is no better time. This is it, okay?

Mary Alice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Alice said...

....and then at that moment the dryer buzzer goes off and you say something brilliant like:

"what was that?.... Oh no.....haha a dryer? Definitely not...why would you think that?...no no..I was just buzzing one of the staff cars in at the front gates. So sorry...haha... anyway... what were you saying?"

andi said...

If I lived closer (like actually in your country), I'd be your intern. Oh, but I guess you probably don't need two more kids screaming in the background, do you?

painted maypole said...

hysterical. I used to make phone calls for an insurance agent from my home, with an infant. Baby Einstein would buy me 20 quiet minutes a day, since my child NEVER napped. sigh.

Rimarama said...

I'm still laughing about the panties!

My husband was sorting laundry one day recently (did I just write that?) and actually held up a pair of the V-meister's size 3T Dora panties and asked if they were mine or hers.

I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or take it as a complement.

Mrs. G. said...

Um, these are the future voters of America? Very scary.

MamaLee said...

LMAO. So true what suburbancorrespondent said - "this is it, okay?" It aint getting any better pal, so listen good and who cares if you missed 2/3rds of what I said.

And this Republican will scream for ya, but just a little. K?

ROAR! LOL

Jennifer said...

This sounds so sadly familiar. I've taken to making my phone calls at 9:45 pm. It hasn't won me many friends.

"...probably a Republican who got in..." HILARIOUS!!

crazymumma said...

ya. I know. every single time you pick up the phone or try for a quickie....

amanda said...

I am still laughing- having no children of my own, I am living vicariously through all of you. Despite your hardships, you make me want some of my own....

slouching mom said...

Whenever I'm on the phone, my children start yelling about poop -- that they have to go, that they just went, that they had diarrhea, that they need wiping.

It never fails.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

You might want to steer clear of interns! They can be troublemakers *cough* Monica Lewinsky *cough*!

Circus Kelli said...

Hee hee hee... that reminds me of one of those commercials for the "Graduates" toddler food. The Mom is talking to the camera about how great the food is "...for when BIG BOYS DON'T PULL THEIR PANTS DOWN ON THE PLAYGROUND!"

I hope you're feeling better soon.

Lela said...

People always wonder why I never answer the phone.I always tell them to email me. Every time the phone is off the hook that is their cue to maim each other.

sara said...

My mom--the mother of seven children (in TEN years)-- used to say, "I need a wife."

Anna said...

I agree, there is NEVER a better time! If you 've got my on the line, for god sakes stay with me!

Epic said...

Made me laugh! Thanks!

nutmeg said...

Laughing so hard at this as I work from home too. Food is always my answer while on the phone (and my kids know it)!

theghelertertwins.blogspot.com said...

At least he didn't yell "mommy got gas" at the top of his lungs. I can always count on that from my little Katie. lol... You just never know when she's going to blurt it out.... Glad to see you're "blue".

Cathy said...

Oh wow. Phone conversations in toddler's presence. You are very very brave.

Marshmellows? Ineffective. Try peanut butter.

Jozet said...

Lol!

Oh yes...btdt.

Any homeschoolers around you?

I find that 12yo homeschooled girls are an endless source of daytime mommy-help, and all for the low, low price of $3.00 an hour.