Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Suck it, Maxim


I am a vain woman. I color my hair, I spend the GNP of New Guinea a fair amount on skincare products, and I am unashamed to admit that I regularly whiten my teeth at home. Oh, and I have never been a fan of flats unless they are ballet flats and only if they are paired with a pair of dark capris. Because that's what Audrey Hepburn did.


But. But. I don't dress for men. With a brief and shameful exception in the early nineties (think oversized shoulder-padded blazer with a white lace bustier underneath. Gah, the shame), I never have. One of my favorite pieces is a long tapestry jacket with a velvet sash that my husband swears I ripped off of some window treatment display in a Scarlett O'Hara-like frenzy. Women compliment me every time I wear it. I love turtle necks and wide-legged trousers, and I rarely show much skin. I could care less if a man likes my outfit, but I'm thrilled when a girlfriend tells me how sharp I look.


I think that's why I've always loved Sarah Jessica Parker. Don't think of her crazy Sex and the City ensembles, think of her off-screen in her amazing couture, or simple t-shirts, jeans, and Christian LeBoutin pumps. She knows how to dress, that lady. She had me at Square Pegs, and watching her blossom over the years has been a real treat. She reminds us that you really can go from awkward to beautiful with the passage of time, and she panders not to the misogynistic whims of the testosterone club. Most women think she is fabulous. Dare I say, a lot of people think she is fabulous.


Unless you're some rat-fuck frat-boy writer at Maxim Magazine. That rag gives me the hives as it is. It is such a pathetic cliche of fast cars, fake-boobed bimbos and stereo system recommendations that I usually don't even give it a passing thought. Until today, when I read this article. What the hell is wrong with this world that we are now creating mean lists not unlike some junior high slam book? What the hell, people???


Clearly, smart women like Sandra Oh, Madonna, and Sarah Jessica are not going to be lumped in with the vapid, homogeneous starlets that provide masturbatory fodder for every pimple faced boy and neanderthal stock broker with a lock on the bathroom door and a bottle of Jergens. But to go and make a list of the world's most unsexy women? That is not just pathetic, cruel, and sad. It's an indictment on where we are headed as a culture.


Really, we better turn this train around or we are going to be the weakest, most materialistic, shallow country in the world. And it's going to cost us dearly.

26 comments:

Crystal said...

Amen. What a sad way to entertain(?) the young men of America.

suburbancorrespondent said...

Um, too late.

Jen M. said...

You know, you're right. It probably is. I was trying to think of another nation that is worse and I am still thinking...darn it.

painted maypole said...

you go, girl!

liv said...

Okay, so I think that list is totally mean. The very idea is stinky, but I can't say that I completely disagree in a sort of "hey, I'm reading my brand new Vogue and thinking catty celebuthoughts" sort of way. That said, anything that is ugly in spirit and pits human against human for publication is straight up awful.

Cathy said...

Pathetic. Really. I've always liked her. What a mean, horrid list.

Mrs. Chicken said...

Hear, hear. I hate those laddie mags. Disgusting ... and just a vehicle for equally reprehensible advertising. Good for you for calling them out.

Jenn said...

I'm right there with you!

I may not have worn more than the Mommy uniform of jeans and a t-shirt for the past, um, while (ok, too long) but I still do love to dress for MYSELF when the time comes. My husband? I snagged him more than 10 years ago, who cares what he thinks?

Plus, I love Sarah Jessica Parker and was horrified when I read snippets of that article (so horrified I couldn't finish it).

The Cube Monkey said...

We already are...

Mary Alice said...

The men who read these articles were once someone's little boy. It tells me that the parents did not provide strong modeling of respect in the first place. It all starts at home....and it wouldn't be published if people weren't buying the trash.

T with Honey said...

Wow! Not only is this list simply a bad thing to publish in the first place, I can't believe who they think are the world's unsexiest women. So many women would be grateful to look as beautiful as Madonna and Sarah Jessica.

It is simply crazy, cruel and wrong on so many levels.

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

I couldn't agree more. Its appalling and disgusting.

And I too am vain, and wear clothes more for women than men. And am getting my hair colored this weekend. And have a minor obsession with coats and bags. Although I do love me some ballet flats...

Crumlish said...

rock on. so true.

while we are on this 'sexy vs. unsexy' conversation-- i just have to ask, "what is with all these slutty halloween costumes for women/girls?" really, is THIS what is considered 'sexy' b/c i seem to be missing the point...

are the guys reading this magazine driving this slutty-witch-slutty-cat-trend OR are women the ones responsible?

Jen M. said...

Oh - the slutty costumes. Don't get me started! I am amazed at the choices my 12 y.o. has - sexy devil costumes with the red bustier- ack!

It makes me feel a lot older than I am. Back in the day, we wore a casper mask or a sheet or something home-made.

Now, even though I make them, I am battling a culture that seems so different. I swear, Amish looks better and better these days.

Mrs. G. said...

You know, you would never find a list of the "country's unsexiest men"...women just don't think that way and that, my friend, is why we are the superior species.

Jenn said...

Um, I think we are already there.

And have been for quite a while.

heather said...

Great post. I heard about that article on the radio and thought to myself that most of the men who read Maxim would be lucky to get with a woman as classy and smart as SJP.

dawn224 said...

now... I totally agree with you ... but how on earth did you find yourself reading Maxim in the first place?

dawn224 said...

Oops. Never mind.

mjd said...

You said this very well. I never liked those fashion magazines that had "Dos" and "Don'ts" pictures. (Glamour used to do this. I have no idea if they still do as I do not read the magazine any more.) But at least those pictures are not personalized, and I guess the intent is to offer fashion advice.

Jennifer said...

Rock on, sister.

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andi said...

You had me at "rat-fuck frat-boy". That's some classic stuff.

I've always had the hate-on for Maxim. Disgusting drivel it is. Heaven forbid some of these men should even get the opportunity to date someone who's IQ is larger than her cup size.

And everyone else is right - this is just so mean. Especially how everyone has turned on Britney. She once elicited drooling from this same audience, but now that she's a mother (and I know, she's a complete train wreck), they've moved on to the next prepubescent, sexed up celebs. Shameful.

PeetSwea said...

Amen sister!

Sarah said...

Mrs. G is so right, women would never write and publish a list like that. SJP's outfits in SATC have never been my favorite, but who am I to comment on her "sexiness"? And Sandra Oh is gorgeous, I say so every time I watch Greys'.

BipolarLawyerCook said...

So right.