Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Tenant, Part II

As you probably know, we have a tenant. A visiting teacher who is teaching a nine week unit of dance to the children where our kids go to school. It's been interesting.

When we agreed to give up our guest house to this young man, we figured that would be it. We would see him around occasionally, and all that would be different is that the kids couldn't play in the guest house until December. We would be nice landlords with noisy kids and a lumbering dog. We would stay out of his way and give him his privacy. And he would give us ours.

The first night I asked Bob if we should invite him in for dinner. He had no food, other than the snacks I had supplied in the mini-fridge for him, and he seemed daunted by the prospect of driving to the grocery store. Bob agreed, but was clearly a little pained. However, his nice guy side won out.

"Would you like to join us for dinner tonight? You must be tired from traveling, and it will save you a trip to the store until the morning."

"Hmmmmm. Is it spicy?" There was a note of concern in his voice.

I was making arroz con pollo, but with a moderate amount of cumin, and it takes a lot of heat for us to call something spicy.

"Not really. Maybe a tiny bit."

He thought. "All right, yes."

Dinner was uneventful, and later that night, as we relaxed on the couch I looked at Bob. "This is going to go well, I just know it." He looked back at me.

"Jen, just remember, he's not our foreign exchange student, and we're not his host family. Okay? He's a grown-up, and he's renting our house. Period."

We both looked up as the kitchen door opened and the teacher walked in.

"What are you two watching?"

As Bob got up he turned to me. "Tenant. He is not going to Disneyland with us. He is not snuggling on the couch," he whispered.
********
In order to get to school, Bob has been leading him in each morning as Bob drives the kids into town. After the first day, when he was lurching along the highway at 42 mph in a 75, it became clear to my husband that he couldn't drive.

"Andrew. Do you know how to drive?"

"Mmmmm. No. I have always had friends take me places."

"Do you have a driver's license? From anywhere?"

"Ah, no."

He has been driving all around in a borrowed Subaru, one lent from the music teacher at my childrens' school. It explains the fact that he can't get the car out of third gear, and his fear of stoplights. At each stoplight they encountered on the way to school, Bob would look in the rear view mirror and see the teacher literally pounding on the steering wheel in frustration.

After speaking to the principal about this, we all decided he might be a lot happier if we could somehow find him a a place in town. He needs to be able to walk places, needs young people around him, and a family of six with a schedule that doesn't include playing Scrabble with the tenant doesn't help things.

Everyone is on the lookout for a place for him, and I was telling this to a girlfriend of mine who owns a gallery in town and knows the place like the back of her hand.

"Tell him he could stay at Charly's, he seems like he would like it there."

So yesterday, while picking up the kids, I went up to the principal. "Hey, I was talking to someone and she thought we should see if Charly's might have a place for him." I was proud of my intel, happy to contribute to the hunt for better lodging.

He looked at me with a funny expression and then said, yeah, maybe Charly's has rooms above it, he would look into it.

Okay, or not.

Come to find out, Charly's is a gay bar.

46 comments:

Orangeblossoms said...

I absolutely guffawed out loud when I read the end of this entry. I NEEDED a good laugh! Oh how I needed one!

amanda said...

Does Charly's have any cobalt blue in it???

Audubon Ron said...

So you threw the poor guy out on his ear! Well, I never. Remind me never to visit.

Let me get my Bible out on ya. There ya go. Hebrews 13:2, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”

Okay, gay bar might be stretching it a little.

Epic said...

As soon as I saw the title was "The Tenant, Part II" I was excited. Poor guy doesn't know how to drive and he was driving a stick?! That's rough. I hope you can find someplace that works well for him... tho I'll miss the stories!

Lawyer Mama said...

I really hope the entire room is decorated in cobalt blue.

Sarcasta-Mom said...

LOL. That was priceless. I recently had a "tenent" myself, a friend of my husbands who stayed in our basement for 3 agonizing months. We just got rid of him, and I couldn't be happier. Good luck!

Crystal said...

Bahahahaha.
I knew these stories were going to be great.
I can't believe he didn't mention that he didn't have a license when someone offered up their CAR!!!
OH, boy oh boy.

Circus Kelli said...

LOL - Hmm... ok, so keep that idea on the back burner then...

crazymumma said...

I'm laughing. I'm just having such a good laugh.

painted maypole said...

from your description of him, though, it does sound like he might like it there. ;)

jakelliesmom said...

This fellow has shown me such an interesting way to travel the world, and kudos to him for giving the whole "driving a car in a foreign country without a license" thing, I guess.

Maybe someone at Charly's could hook him up. With a place to stay, that is.

Hard to type when giggling so much.

Nancy said...

I think you are going to be glad he is living closer to the school. He sounds a bit odd. Who knows what "adventures" him living there would bring. Didn't start off on a good note.

Jen M. said...

Well - he's not gone yet, although like I said, we're looking! Hard.

And Ron, send me your address so I can let him know he's welcome at your house anytime ;)

Cathy said...

omg, hilarious!

and i love your spouse's comment on couch-snuggling

Mary Alice said...

Bwahhahahaha. Gay Bar! That was beautiful, still wiping my eyes!.....how about you find him a nice sugar daddy to stay with...one that likes them diminutive and fancies a foreign accent. Try Craig’s List.

mjd said...

:) Maybe the Charly's place will be perfect for the teacher.

BetteJo said...

That's just what I was going to say! How do you know teacher/tenant won't enjoy living above a gay bar for a while?
But honestly, I really was looking forward to more stories.

Beck said...

Hee!
He sounds like he was really annoying, I'm sorry to say. I think it's a Young Guy thing - my brother lived with us for six months and we were just ready to sell all his stuff and change the locks.

Maria said...

Please keep the tenant stories coming as long as you can. Between Anika and Andrew, you have the BEST two main characters for a book! I really enjoy your blog-I don't have one of my own, but found you through Anna's "Hank and Willie" site and have been reading and appreciating for a while!

Sophie's Mom said...

I burst out laughing at the end! Too funny. Glad there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you, and he'll be out soon. Maybe that's just the place for him... he does seem an 'odd' fellow...

moosh in indy. said...

So is he hot? I'll totally drive him around.
But only if he's hot.
I'm shallow like that.

Kimmykay said...

Ok, just what I needed. I nice laugh. Poor man and hugs to your family!

ablondeblogger said...

LOL! He should take some driving tips from Britney!

Lela said...

Hahaha, poor guy! Maybe Charly has a sister?

Just Seeking said...

I agree with Maria---with Andrew and Anika you have the best characters for a book!
I am telling you---I will pay for the Holiday Inn to get that guy out of there for you!
Scrabble anyone?

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

HAHAHAHA, I literally burst out laughing at the end. Whoops...although maybe he WOULD like it better. Good luck finding him some new digs...

BipolarLawyerCook said...

I just snorted wine all over my keyboard. Great. Second time this month.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I was thrilled to see the title of this post! Please tell me, did you snuggle just a teeny bit on the couch watching TV?

As someone who cannot drive a stick shift, I can empathize with his car woes. But, the cobalt-blue incident has ruined him for me. Send him to Charly's! Off with his head!

dawn224 said...

bwahahahaha!

secret agent said...

I am dying here....
how offended will he be when you do find him a place????

we had a "local"..... toothless, uneducated, lazy guy doing some work over here.......I mistakenly offered him into the house for a drink....
could NOT get rid of him
every day.... knock knock.... can I have a drink
and would sit for hours
work 15 minutes..... sit in my house all day

now he hates us. and quit.
it was so out of hand. I don't know what I'd do with one living here

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