Monday, August 27, 2007

My Own Big Love

While watching HBO last night with Bob, two lines made him chortle like a Christmas elf. The first, Our husband's dating life is none of our business! came from Big Love and the second, Wives are like a case of herpes. They come and go as they please came from Entourage.

After his first guffaw, I looked at him and said, "Fine. Go ahead and get a second wife. Except you can't sleep with her and she has to cook. Tell her I like dinner on the table when I come back with the kids from dance class."

Bob held my face in his hands and gently told me, "I would never, ever, want another wife. I can't even handle you sweetheart."

Except now, the idea of a wife? Someone who knows I like my eggs over hard and makes the beds while I'm in the shower? Someone who is there to lovingly watch my children should I need to be gone at a moment's notice? Someone who will "magically" clean the bathrooms?

We've got some extra room.

Check out this week's issue of Top Blog Magazine for some great stories, plus a new one of mine. Go on, you know you need to procrastinate some more. The work will be there when you get back.

21 comments:

Mary Alice said...

Amen sister....I totally want a wife. Could she do all the packing for camping trips too? That would be awesome.

painted maypole said...

I read an essay in high school calling "I want a wife" Can't remember who it was by (a woman) but it has really stuck with me.

We gave up on Big Love after last year. I felt there was so much interesting stuff they could do about the emotional interplay between the wives, but they got so bogged down with the whole creepy parents thing

Jen M. said...

Painted Maypole - check out this last season! They've gone a whole new direction! Because we almost left for the same reason...

Audubon Ron said...

Ya know, I don’t believe in same sex marriage, but I do think a guy should be able to have more than one wife if he wants. The down side, a guy knows he’s dead meat if he doesn’t remember anniversaries, birthdays, like that. It doesn’t take an actuary to know that the probability risk factor increases in messing up with the more wives a guy has. So there is a balance. But, what if the wives go Amazon Dionysus and decide to cut the guy up into small pieces and eat him. Women in bunches do stuff like that. Maybe I need to thing this thing through.

bubandpie said...

I've never seen Big Love, but I've always had a sneaking sympathy for polygamy, for exactly the reasons you describe. And let's just say that there's no birth control, so there are LOTS of babies ... a few extra women around the house can only be a good thing.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I would love to have a wife!!!

Somehow we've missed most of Big Love this season. We really need to catch up!

slouching mom said...

Oh, yeah. I've been saying for years that I need a wife. ;)

urban mama said...

I have always thought that a wife would be great. I like your rules.

Nancy said...

Notice the wives of a polygamist never complain?

ONLY the men that are married to one woman takes issue, lol

Jennifer said...

I could totally go for a wife!

crazylady said...

I've been screening for my husband's next wife for years. I think I'm too picky.

Men can only handle disappointing one woman at a time my man always says.

Oh, The Joys said...

K and I were once interviewed by all the wives of one African villager and they asked him if he would like more wives and he gave them the same answer your hubs gave you!

Brillig said...

Yup. Sign me up for a wife. I'm all over that.

And how sweet is your hubs? TOTAL brownie points there!

my minivan is faster than yours said...

If I let the extra wife sleep with my husband, can I get a few more blogs read each night. Hmmm...

Mr. Fabulous said...

Polygamy...finally a belief that I can embrace!

KC said...

I'll take a wife- but only someone who is bigger and uglier than me. I need to feel good about myself, you know?

Anna said...

Where do I sign up for one! I'd make room in the bed between us! And then she could make it in the morning.

andi said...

Big Love is such a great show.

And I too want a wife. It would fulfill my fantasy of having a cook and a housekeeper and I wouldn't have to pay her anything. How sweet would that be?

Fairly Odd Mother said...

If she'd scratch my back on command, she's in.

JenLo said...

Ooops. I've been calling my wife "the maid". Just kiddin'!

Biddy said...

you don't need a wife...you need an Alice!