Misunderstood and Miserable

I HATE being misunderstood. Hell, who doesn't?

But I think I have an actual phobia.

It goes back to fourth grade. This girl, Jamie, (her real name, and if I could remember her last name, I would write it here - I would put the little snot's social security here if I had it) accused me of taking a pair of her earrings from her house during a sleepover.

I didn't take the earrings.

The entire fourth grade, egged on by Jamie, thought I did. She wrote me nasty notes. My parents found the notes in my backpack and although I denied it as vehemently as I could, I was never convinced in my fourth grade head that they believed me. It ate me alive. The same girl, with some of her sycophants, later made prank telephone calls and told the people they were calling that they were me. My parents confronted me, and I remember being too shocked to say much. I remember thinking, why would I tell the person I pranked who I was? What am I, stupid?

So, I have a real achilles heal with things like this.

Today, one of my close friends, P., called me from her art gallery. We were chatting, and she said, "Guess who's here with me today?"

I couldn't guess, and she said it was S., a mutual friend of ours. I shrieked in my non-subtle way and joked about how jealous I was that I couldn't work at her gallery, too, with Jack on my back. I joked that Jack was my "seeing eye toddler" and she laughed. We talked about other things, then hung up.

Later, S. called me. (she doesn't read this website, but I want to be careful regardless)

"Hey, girl! What's up?"

"Why aren't you happy for me that I'm working at P.'s gallery?"

"Ha, hah! Really, what's up?"

***crickets***

"S., are you kidding?"

"Do I sound like I'm laughing?"

To make a story short and less pathetic, she thought that I was unhappy she was working with P. She thought I was angry that she had "my job" and that I wasn't happy for her. She was pissed. She hung up on me.

Oh. My. Gah.

This is so far from reality it is comical. I love P. but I wouldn't ever work for her while I have a baby. I know that this wouldn't work out. I just love my friends' company and want to be around them. P. knows this. We have an honest rapport, and S. is a little newer to our "group." I think she's really sensitive, but this just kills me. I am fiercely loyal to my friends, and the fact that she even thought I was capable of pettiness with my "peeps" indicated to me that she didn't quite know me well enough to be in my inner circle. I was devastated. I am devastated.

I left long stalker messages on both her machines telling her I was thrilled she decided to go back to work, that she must have some how crossed some wires in her interpretation of my dorky comments, that maybe P. didn't explain to her how much I was kidding, what have you. I was pathetic.

Then I called P. who swears she laughed when she hung up with me and joked with S. She said S. seemed a little miffed, but P. assured her I was teasing, that I wasn't actually jealous of her having the job, just that I wished I could be there with the two of them. I believe her.

So eventually S. called me back. She forgave me. Which of course eats me up even more, since there is NOTHING to forgive.

This whole thing stinks.