Friday, December 21, 2007

Sasquatch Lives

So I was visiting a blog I really enjoy reading yesterday and she extolled the virtues of her new Telly Sevalis 'do.

(and like this blogger I will now take a moment to please ask any male members of my family to go away and not visit my blog. Thank you.)

You know what I'm talking about, no? She got herself a Brazilian in anticipation of reuniting with her husband. A Brazilian renders you completely hairless down there. You must employ someone other than your obgyn to smear hot wax anywhere there may be hair. And you can't just lay there. You have to lift your legs and contort. And stuff.

See, I guess I'm old. And too attached to being a mammal.

For example, we have hair on our heads to protect our brain and keep us warm. The same can be said for men's nether regions. The day I see Bob pour molten wax on his 'nads to be pretty for me is maybe the day I take a lady Schick to the rain forest in my underwear. Maybe.

Maybe I'm intimidated by the task at hand. It is said that your clothes actually fit better. At first I guffawed, because come on. How much hair do you have that your clothes would fit differently if it were suddenly waxed off?

Oh.

I just can't imagine what kind of power tool would do the job.

So for those of you who are young and smooth and wear thongs as a regular way of life: hat's off. But only for a moment, because aren't you cold?

Does anyone wear Hanes for Her cotton underwear anymore or am I living in the dark ages?

p.s. Don't forget to stop by for your chance to win some books (yes, I have two: one funny and one really good one) and tea. Just come out and say hi by Sunday.

44 comments:

Nancy said...

Bwa-hahahah!

If you get a minute, read my post of 9/13/2007 (funny)

Not a waxer here, but definitely a shaver ... for many years.

Mrs. G. said...

I'm old school and, consequently, quite warm.

I can't add one more body part to my weekly maintanence list...the va jay jay is on its own.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I've never gone completely BALD! but I've been waxed.

The pain is oh-so-worth-it for the 4-6 weeks of smoothness.

Really.

Mary Alice said...

I am suspicious of all men who like sex with bald va jay jays. Bald va-jay-jays are naturally found on little pre-pubescent girls. I am not a pre-pubescent girl and men who would rather sleep with something that is pretending to be 12 years old, frankly freak me the hell out.
Think about it.

Mary Alice said...

PS...Besides that, if you rip it all your thighs look enormously fat. If you let the bush grow wild and proud, it gives the illusion of teeny tiny Nicole Richie thighs.

Jen M. said...

Nancy - I did read that post. And shuddered at te image of the wax being picked out with the finger....ewwww.

Mary Alice I thought the same thing - I like the symmetry and illusion...

Jennifer said...

I'm totally with Mary Alice on the pre-pubescent thing. And I will refrain from saying anything more about my own habits down there because, eek, what if my relatives follow your blog?! and see my comment here?! ;)

Amy F. said...

i can't stand the pain when i wax my top lip, never mind that whole area. it must swell like crazy right after, right? how is that a good thing??

Beck said...

I had a really, really rude joke for here. But I'll spare you it and instead just join your parade of The Proudly Bearded.

suburbancorrespondent said...

I am so with Mary Alice on this one. I'm not catering to any Lolita fantasies around here, that's for sure.

And me? Jockey for Her, bikini cut (they don't pull up in the back)

Lela said...

Oh gawd! The only part of my body that see's wax is my upper lip! Oh yeah, and my fingers when I hold the lit birthday candle's too long, lol.

Lela
www.whomadethismess.com

Family Adventure said...

One word....OUCH!

Heidi

jakelliesmom said...

Now, I'm going to say this as delicately as I can, as I believe in protecting my lady-parts to whatever extent I am able (notwithstanding childbirth and its various indignities).

I shaved once. Once. I was young. Not prepubescent, but perhaps thinking that way. I didn't like the look of my younger self there - happy as I am to be a fully grown woman and all - nor did I enjoy the growing out process. Never, never, never ever again.

That is all.

flutter said...

I wear victoria's secret cotton briefs. comfy, cute and not up my butt.

Thank you for asking.

Beverly said...

LOL! I am way to old too.

Beverly

imbeingheldhostage said...

I read this first thing this morning (your middle of the night) and can't stop thinking about it. OUCH.

MommyMommy said...

I wear thongs, but don't wax, much less a brazilian, I just trim up the sides, kwim? or is that to much information?
MommyMommyLand

BipolarLawyerCook said...

Old school here as well. The idea of waxing sends shudders up and down my spine.

The best panties, by far, are the "barely there" microfiber panties available at the Hanes/Leggs/Bali outlet. Soooo comfy, and they stay put. They make thongs, bikinis, high cut briefs, and full on granny panties. And no seams!

Katrina said...

Uhhhh...were you watching me at Tar*get today? Love my Hanes!

And no way any one is gonna wax my parts!

amanda said...

Hanes, no. Victoria Secret high leg granny briefs yes. I have junk in the trunk, I need any support those large self brained bubbles can get. The va jay jay gets mild grooming but NOONE and I stress NOONE is coming near me with hot wax!!!!!

tommie said...

For the life of me, I can't remember why I have you on my bloglines....but this makes me laugh and remember it was for a good reason!

I an neither a shaver or a waxer....but I do like a good mown lawn! And I do wear a thong on most days...but only one brand!!! you can't even tell it is riding high in your nether-regions!

Happy weekend to you1

moosh in indy. said...

I'll have you know I left a landing strip to avoid any images of young ladies.
I asked for it to be in the shape of a lightning bolt but she didn't oblige.
Don't knock it 'til you try it ladies.

Kathryn said...

HAHAHA!!
I have often wondered why this is even sexy to men. To me it seems a bit pervish. I mean, doesn't it look "little girl"ish? Isn't that pervy? Yikes.
I can't remember what comedian said this but apparently her boyfriend wanted her to shave a "cute shape" into the hair of her nethers and she told him that as soon as he contorts his manhood into the shape of a poodle she'll go ahead and shave a cute shape. HA!

painted maypole said...

hanes her way, all the way.

and my husband would be PISSED if I did the brazilian thing, and for this I am grateful.

very funny.

Anonymous said...

I'm posting anonymously, but you know who I am! I'm at LEAST ten pounds up since you know when and I still wear a thong (but wouldn't even begin to consider a dang Brazilian, that's just sick) and do so only because of the pantylines---I can't stand the panty lines of regular, comfy undies. And no matter what ones I've tried, I still get the panty lines! But trust me, the minute my jeans come off, the nice, 100% cotton undies come on. I love them and sleep in them. So the thong,what you call the "butt floss" are really just a practical consideration, not meant to be sexy! (on me anyway) okay, so TMI. Now you understand the anonymous part!

Jen M. said...

Oh duh - now I see why she said 1/4 Brazilian. Not the whole shebang!

wheelsonthebus said...

I wear cotton Jockeys. White.

Emily R

Queeny said...

I've never been waxed anywhere, though I did try one of those home-waxing kits on my legs.

But down there? Yeeeeouch is the first thing that comes to mind. I'll stick with the pruning scissors, thank you.

If I get anything called a Brazilian, he better be tall, bronze and packing (knowwhatamean?)

Yeeeeouch!!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I could never, ever pour hot wax on my girlie parts. But, I do keeps myself nicely trimmed, so to speak. I don't look at it as being 'pre-pubescent' (hey, my size A boobs handle that for me); I look at it as the best way for me to get some 'action' without choking my poor husband on a fur ball. Or, is that too much information?

dawn224 said...

I'm a natural redhead.

I like to be able to prove it.

:)

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Good times....gooood times. I remember my first wax-on wax-off. The technician and I entered the room together. She explained that I had to remove my clothes from the waist down. I stood there waiting for her to leave. She said, "I can leave if it makes you more comfortable but I'm going to be your new best friend in about 5 minutes". I swear, you get into poses that you wouldn't dream of doing for your own husband.

KC said...

As someone who cannot visualize her nether regions due to a 38 week preggers belly, I can't imagine the havoc going on right about now. Although, labor is probably a good time to try one...the pain would be negligble.

dawn&brian said...

Jen - I am a fellow Hanes Her Way fan! You can't beat $6.99 for 4 pair of undies! :-)
BTW - why do we go to such measures? Don't we all realize that men are still attracted to women with wookie nether reagions?

Erin said...

Jen, I am totally with you in the Hanes Her Ways. So comfy. And dawn224 totally killed me with her "natural redhead" comment. I am a natural redhead, too. While my husband would LOVE it if I was more bare down there (hey! that rhymes!) I agree with everyone who said that is too prepubescent for their tastes.

Wow. So my entire comment could be summed up as "I agree!" *sigh*

Jenn said...

I can hardly stand plucking my eyebrows, the thought of hot wax all over my girly parts makes me want to pass out. Or puke. Or puke and then pass out! Colour me old fashioned, but I like my bits au natural thank you very much, comfortably clothed in cotton, 6 bucks for 4 pairs, underwear.

Sexy Housewife said...

Hanes hi-cut with a lace waist band from JCPenney are my daily panties. No wax for me, thank you! I have taken to trimming recently and have always shaved a (very little) bit in the summer before I put on the swimsuit. It's like you said, I live in the north, I want to be warm!

The Cube Monkey said...

I was told a long time ago that most men like it well trimmed. A big bush tends to harbor the scent of urine which is a major turnoff if you want blown. lol
Well trimmed here, but no shaving and DEFINITELY no wax!!! owweee

mjd said...

Hmmm, I have just started having my eyebrows waxed at age 60. At this point, I cannot imagine waxing "the bush."

I am really just stopping by to wish you a warm and wonderful Christmas Day.

theghelertertwins.blogspot.com said...

Ummm, I'm a waxer and a shaver. Can't stand unsightly gross hair... Ewwww and more ewwww..... I like it all really neat.... oh, was that too much information??

Merry Christmas...

Audubon Ron said...

Lets say I know someone, and this someone wore those up your croch and butt undies for the longest time then finally, I guess got comfy in her own skin and started wearing Haines cotton.

crazylady said...

Landing strip baby.

The rest of the hair breaks the tips of the scissors off so they stay!

JCK said...

THIS was hysterical!! Personally I just throw on the thong and damn the bumpy consequences. Or, I wear my Hanes for her. ;)

And I'm with Mary Alice on the freakishness.

Anna said...

I agree with mrs g--just can't add anything more to the maintenance.

Plus I hate being cold!

bermudabluez said...

BWAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! A Brilliant post!! And yeah...I'm old school!