Monday, December 17, 2007

Misunderstood and Miserable

I HATE being misunderstood. Hell, who doesn't?

But I think I have an actual phobia.

It goes back to fourth grade. This girl, Jamie, (her real name, and if I could remember her last name, I would write it here - I would put the little snot's social security here if I had it) accused me of taking a pair of her earrings from her house during a sleepover.

I didn't take the earrings.

The entire fourth grade, egged on by Jamie, thought I did. She wrote me nasty notes. My parents found the notes in my backpack and although I denied it as vehemently as I could, I was never convinced in my fourth grade head that they believed me. It ate me alive. The same girl, with some of her sycophants, later made prank telephone calls and told the people they were calling that they were me. My parents confronted me, and I remember being too shocked to say much. I remember thinking, why would I tell the person I pranked who I was? What am I, stupid?

So, I have a real achilles heal with things like this.

Today, one of my close friends, P., called me from her art gallery. We were chatting, and she said, "Guess who's here with me today?"

I couldn't guess, and she said it was S., a mutual friend of ours. I shrieked in my non-subtle way and joked about how jealous I was that I couldn't work at her gallery, too, with Jack on my back. I joked that Jack was my "seeing eye toddler" and she laughed. We talked about other things, then hung up.

Later, S. called me. (she doesn't read this website, but I want to be careful regardless)

"Hey, girl! What's up?"

"Why aren't you happy for me that I'm working at P.'s gallery?"

"Ha, hah! Really, what's up?"

***crickets***

"S., are you kidding?"

"Do I sound like I'm laughing?"

To make a story short and less pathetic, she thought that I was unhappy she was working with P. She thought I was angry that she had "my job" and that I wasn't happy for her. She was pissed. She hung up on me.

Oh. My. Gah.

This is so far from reality it is comical. I love P. but I wouldn't ever work for her while I have a baby. I know that this wouldn't work out. I just love my friends' company and want to be around them. P. knows this. We have an honest rapport, and S. is a little newer to our "group." I think she's really sensitive, but this just kills me. I am fiercely loyal to my friends, and the fact that she even thought I was capable of pettiness with my "peeps" indicated to me that she didn't quite know me well enough to be in my inner circle. I was devastated. I am devastated.

I left long stalker messages on both her machines telling her I was thrilled she decided to go back to work, that she must have some how crossed some wires in her interpretation of my dorky comments, that maybe P. didn't explain to her how much I was kidding, what have you. I was pathetic.

Then I called P. who swears she laughed when she hung up with me and joked with S. She said S. seemed a little miffed, but P. assured her I was teasing, that I wasn't actually jealous of her having the job, just that I wished I could be there with the two of them. I believe her.

So eventually S. called me back. She forgave me. Which of course eats me up even more, since there is NOTHING to forgive.

This whole thing stinks.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are probably more mature than me, but I would be tempted to call her and "forgive" her for being so self involved and petty. No wait, actually *I* would probably do it in public, but then I tend to burn a lot of bridges...

painted maypole said...

ack. that sounds obnoxious. i hate stuff like that.

hopefully it will all blow over and be forgotten by all, or better yet s will call and say "wow, I got that all wrong... sorry)

Rima said...

Gah! That is the kind of situation that makes my blood positively boil! You handled it a lot more graciously than I would have.

Beck said...

Ugggh. Oh, man. I would be polite about it and then kind of distance myself from S because who needs THAT?

Katrina said...

Ugh, I hate those situations! You handled that waaaay better than I would have. :o)

jakelliesmom said...

Ugh. It's so very junior high, and you're not.

I hope it resolves nicely, but I'm betting the new gal has some funny feelings going on that have nothing to do with you.

suburbancorrespondent said...

Issues, issues, issues - she has issues. Not your problem.

Though you wonder how we can hope for peace in the Middle East when we can't even manage to get along on stupid stuff like this.

Crystal said...

oh yeah, this would eat me up too. I would probably replay this, over and over, in my head for a week and then maybe once a month for the next 6 months. I am bad about letting stuff like this go. I dwell. It is so so bad for us.
Say this in your mind...
"I forgive S. for making me crazy"
everytime you start to think about it.

Nancy said...

I agree, so high school-ish.

I no longer let those things bother me ... I ignore it all.

Mrs. G. said...

Hmm...I'm sorry, did I miss the part where you mentioned S. was in 4th grade? I thought as grown ups we gave each other the benefit of the doubt or, even if we feel slighted, toss each other a little grace.

I'm with Beck. I would be polite but keep my distance. I'm not sure how much "forgiveness" you can take.

flutter said...

How big of her to forgive you for absolutely nothing....

jrogers39 said...

Arg! I hate that kind of shit, and why are women/girls always doing it? I swear I don't! And that 4th grade girl - let's get her!

jen said...

you have the grace of angels.

Michelle - Mtn View Mommy said...

Oh goodness do I know what you are feeling. I have two close friends whose whole twisted, triangle of a friendship ended up like that. In the end, I was just explaining & explaining and they weren't believing me... and things were getting worse the more I tried to explain. I apologized for things I don't even think I should have, but no matter... it didn't help. They still had their own opinions on the subject & believed each other's versions of the story instead of mine. It eats me up. I'm clearly too sensitive. I bet if I would have let it lie... and not tried to explain the crap out of it... things would be fine today. Oh well, you live & you learn.

Sue said...

Oh, the drama. I hate women like that. How you kept your cool - I have no idea...

AuthorMomWithDogs said...

I'm sure you've said in one of your messages that if you'd wanted the job, you could have had it. Eventually, that will sink in with her. Sometimes we need to move away from an "incident" before it can get processed fully.

Then again, some people need to hold onto their grudges.

Only time will tell. :)

PS I had a very similar 4th grade experience. I completely sympathize.

debra said...

I'm glad to have found your blog, Jen. I hate when adults think they're still in the sandbox or on the playground!

Kathryn said...

Wow. You handled that much more gracefully than I would have. I'm pretty sure the word "whatever" would have come out of my mouth at some point. Or it would have wanted to, cuz I don't know if I'm that brave.
The world would be a much better place if people would just GET A SENSE OF HUMOR about themselves. Laugh! Ya know, HA HA?
I don't blame you for being p'ed about having to apologize. WTH? There really is nothing to apologize for.
Anyway, try and get it out of your head. Every rational person can see you did no wrong. :)

MamaLee said...

You know, this is about HER, not you. REALLY. Just go on and act as if this never happened. Making any more of it will fuel her desire for the attention.

In my humble opinion, of course.

Carrie Sue said...

Oh how I hated high school... hopefully your friend will snap out of it and realize you only had positive thoughts during your conversation with the other mutual friend. To hang up on you... oh boy!

Sarcasta-Mom said...

As a professional sarcast-ess, I put myself in situations like this all the time. Some people are just oddly over sensative and defensive.

Sounds like S has some issues with insecurity. It's not your fault, even though I know it's eating you alive right now.

Hope this all blows over soon.

wheelsonthebus said...

Oh, that is a very, very insecure woman.

Emily R

Lori- Fairytales & Margaritas said...

I agree, she's very insecure. That really sucks! I hate being accused of things I didn't do too. Similar things happened to me in high school. I think it's made me a revengeful person sometimes.

Audubon Ron said...

I always say I hate to me misquoted.

(especially by 60 Minutes)

Candy said...

Oh gad I would have had the exact same reaction, including posting about it because if I didn't I'd obsess endlessly and drive everyone around me crazy with my snippiness!

Hopefully you'll be able to let it go now that it's out.

Lela said...

Ugh, misunderstandings really bug me, and my whole relationship with my mother in law seems to be based on her taking what I say the wrong way. So I avoid her as much as possible!

Lela
http://whomadethismess.com

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Ugh! I've got that nervous tummy feeling just reading this. I TOTALLY know what you mean. I hate misunderstandings with a middle man involved.

Still though...I can't believe she hung up on you. That seems pretty rude. And childish.

amanda said...

I sympathize- my entire junior high years were terrorized by a melissa who gave me a friendship bracelet and then promptly took it back. I cried and cried. My older sister bought me a replacement bracelet but it was not the same and those girls tortured me for years. (I am sure that I was super sensitive but it hurt all the same) I hated those years and would not do it over ever again.....

WorksForMom said...

Egads, that does sound obnoxious. Yet you handled it so gracefully. I, too, would start to distance the relationship.

And *crickets*? Brilliant!

tommie said...

OMG, so glad that you found my blog.....though not sure how you did! How did you find it on the FINAL day of a 450+ day deployment???

But this was just funny. Being in education as a teacher and administrator....kids can just be mean!

say it with me...."take the high road".....nope, say it again...."I WILL take the high road". It would be so easy to sink to her level...but it is so in the past!

Kellan said...

Don't you just love women sometimes? You can't really win most of the time. I think if people want to get all dramatic about stuff they are gonna do it and they will drag you into their theatrics if we allow them - right? Don't stress too much over it - it's a little crazy. Take care and I'll see you soon. Kellan

dawn224 said...

gah.

well, as annoying as it all is - I'm kinda glad S called you and all rather than fuming and bitching about you to the rest of the world - At least she rose above the 4th grade ... a tiny bit ... and probably won't be prank calling you any time soon.

but forgive? puhleeze. Maybe, "sorry I forgot to take my midol and took it out on you, sorry I was a tool" but forgive? *eye roll*

Orangeblossoms said...

Forgave you? LORD. What a bizarre situation. I wish I could be a fly on the wall in her brain for a minute. Okay. I don't want to be a fly, and her brain might be scary...

BipolarLawyerCook said...

Well, she'd better grow a tougher skin pretty damned soon. Bah-- it clearly has nothing to do with you-- but I totally understand your frustration and concern. Sounds like your real friend has your back, though.

Cathy said...

I agree -- VERY insecure woman.

(but that kind of thing eats at me too, no matter how much i try to tell myself i don't care)