By the time Bob and I had been married for two years, he had had enough. The last time we saw the Nutcracker as a married couple with no kids (oh, the blessed D.I.N.K. years) he fell asleep before Clara did and was snoring loudly by the time the Sugarplum Fairy made her appearance. I remember being so angry with him, and we had one of those fights that D.I.N.K.s have - you know, stupid fights where you argue in the taxi all the way home to no responsibilities other than your cat and we made up in the morning, after we had slept in and got ready for brunch with friends.
Excuse me while I go sob gently in the corner for a moment and carve out my uterus with a rusty knife. Oh, all the rusty knives are somewhere outside buried 'neath the tree house, you say? Damn kids.
Anyway, when the girls were little, Nutcracker time was really special for
This year, after Christmas shopping for items like night-vision goggles and duct tape, I took the girls out to The Nutcracker as is our custom.
Me: [clapping hands together] Oh, don't you girls look beautiful! Honey, take a picture!
Maddie: I am way overdressed mom. Can I wear jeans?
Chloe: I like wearing my dress mom. In fact, I love it [snarky look at sister].
Later, at the theater...
Me: [attempting to hold their hands, which keep slipping out of mine in between bouts of heavy sighing and hissed whispering of Moooom, not here, okay!] Sniff, this is just so special, girls. I want you to know I treasure these moments, where it's just the three of us, and we're having...
Maddie: Oh my God! It's Hannah and Leah! They will think I am such a dork for wearing this dress! [slinks down in seat and zips up parka over head]
Chloe: Hannah! Leah! Over here!
Me: You look beautiful! No one in this small town dresses up for anything anymore, I say let's set the bar higher, ladies!
Maddie: [muffled, under parka] I am so embarassed. This is so lame.
Chloe: Mom, Maddie has hair in her armpits.