Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Smile! You're Being Insulted!

Last night I was driving back from a meeting I attended with Bob. It was one of those great meetings where, even though they are asking you for money, you leave feeling like you want to give as much as you can. It's for the new school for our kids and the future kids in our town, so we're pretty excited about it.

Before the meeting I took a little extra special care in getting ready. It was kind of like a date - Bob and I would get to have dinner out without the kids - and so I wanted to take advantage. Instead of my all black attire, which is an easy fallback for me this time of year, I wore a pink camisole underneath a nubby sweater/blazer that had greens and pale blues in it. My enormous cheek zit, thanks to a poultice of Windex, Visine and other salves recommended last week, had faded to a smooth red spot, easily concealed with a little powder.

The meeting was uplifting and inspirational, and I left daydreaming about the new school campus for my children in just a few short years.

I called my close friend, another mom at the school, on my drive home to let her know how great the meeting was when a caller beeped in. "Oh, my. It's _________." It was a woman we both know. That's all I can say about that on this blog, along with the fact that we both rarely speak to this particular woman, though when we do, it is with a distant and civil courtesy. The story behind this is huge, but unfortunately, I can't go into it since other parents at the school may read this blog. And though I'm pretty sure they do not know this woman, you just never know.

"Hello?" (I said this even though my caller ID told me who she was)

"Hi, Jen. It was great to see you at the meeting tonight."

"Oh. Okay. It was great to see you, too." Before I could ask her why she was calling, she continued.

"Like I said, it was really great to see you. But I had to call you and ask you something. You looked really tired tonight. Are you alright?"

Without thinking, I laughed. Here this woman never calls me, rarely talks to me, and then she phones to tell me I looked tired?! So after I finished laughing I told her that no, I wasn't tired, I was still a little hung over from a party, but certainly not tired. She laughed, too, albeit a little nervously, and then said how great it was to talk to me and hung up.

What if I had just said that I wasn't tired? What would she have said, I wonder? Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I thought that entire call was bullshit. Who calls and says that to someone they barely know? Ugh....sometimes I really wonder about women...and I say this because I can't think of an instance where a guy would do this to another guy.

Next time I see her I just know I'll be silently ticking off all the things I would like to ask her...though I'll smile and nod and keep walking.

45 comments:

jakelliesmom said...

I had a frenemy like that for some time, and I felt I had to be overly cautious to be the epitome of perfection, otherwise she would start calling friends of my friends to find out if I needed psychiatric assistance (which she did, and if there's one thing I don't like being, it's gossip fodder). Ugh. I'm sure you looked spectacular.

Life As I Know It said...

wow, that was ballsy of her.
Yes, I think the correct term for a person like that is a frienemy. We all have 'em...

Nancy said...

:: shakes head :: I know that type.

I'd have probably laughed and said "Tired? I'm exhausted! Bob and I were up most of the night having wild monkey sex."

She obviously is intimidated by you, otherwise why call to spew a negative?

Jen M. said...

Oh Nancy - why weren't you in my head when she called? THAT is the perfect thing to have said.

Beck said...

Ha! Some people are just RUDE.

AnotherMomCreation said...

With the frame of mind I've been in lately, I would have blurted something out totally inappropriate.

But seriously, who does that? She sounds like a jealous bitch.

MamaLee said...

Unbelievable.

you know what you should do? Make SURE that you say something equally as STUPID to her next time you see her.

"Nice to see you again. Are you ok? You look really upset about something." or "Did you decide to grow your hair out? It's very interesting?"

LOL

What a Dolt.

Candy said...

And what if you had said, "Yes, actually, I'm exhausted." Would she have offered to babysit or recommend a good masseuse? Asswipe.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You could call her a frenemy, but I would call her a be-atch!

Circus Kelli said...

LOL - No, guys would just say "Dude. You look like ass. What's up?" ;)

liv said...

oh, and never, but never admit to being hung over in front of school moms. it is law.

i think i might ask her, "if everything is okay, you know, considering..." and just let your voice trail off.

she'll totally panic.

and then you can say, "you know, nevermind. i don't want to upset you..."

muwahahaha!!!!

Audubon Ron said...

Well hmm, I usually handle those with a knuckle sandwich. But okay, let’s look beyond removing the ignorant slut’s arm from her body and beating her with it, give her the benefit of doubt. Maybe she wanted to say in all sincerity, “Hey Jen, I couldn’t help but notice that big fat double whopper zit on your face and was wondering if you were smoking crystal meth?” Either way, WHAT A RANCID BITCH she is!!! Now you see the benefit of a knuckle sandwich. It gets right to the point and removes all doubt.

Rima said...

Yikes! I can see why you don't hang out with her much. Sounds to me like she was fishing for some gossip.

And what Nancy said!

B2G said...

Whoa... apparently I'm the only one who thought maybe she just had a change of heart and was genuinely concerned that you looked so different from usual. Obviously I don't know the backstory.

Um... what an asshat!

noble pig said...

I have one of these hash-slinging-slashers on my street. You never know what crap is going to come out of her mouth and it is usually insulting. She will cross the street, jump over three dogs and whether a snow storm to tell you that you haircut sucks and that her husband would never let her cut her that way.

dawn224 said...

clearly you need six martinis for your next encounter.

desperate housewife said...

Oh my word. That is NUTS. How do you even RESPOND to stuff like that? I always get so flustered I don't know what to say, but think of a million clever comebacks while I'm lying awake stewing about it later.

Jerseygirl89 said...

What a bitch. I think you should (in your kindest, sweetest voice) let her know that calls like that are considered rude by most people and you just wanted to let her know so that she would stop going around alienating people. But make it sound much nicer than that, so she's not sure if she's being insulted until the next day.

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

I can't stand toxic people. I would either start a rambling list of EVERYTHING that is wrong in the world or say "is there a reason why you need to know?"

sara said...

Two words: passive aggressive. That call & comment sound suspiciously passive aggressive.

I can be accused of many a thing-- overly emotional, too direct, maybe too sensitive as well. However, passive aggressive I am not & do NOT deal well with people who are.

Beth said...

How very odd! And you are right, a man would never call another man and ask him such a silly questiion.

Women!

Anna said...

Nope, I think the wild monkey sex was the only right answer. Hooray for nancy!


And hooray for slumber parties!

Just Seeking said...

I love this frenemy concept! I've never had one before---and now I think I do!! this might actually get fun! :-) And I absolutely LOVE Nancy's idea! why didn't we think of that???
Jen already knows this, but I must say for the record, that I personally saw our friend Jen immediately before the event in question and she looked FABULOUS. She even smelled good.

So yep, jealousy, frenemy, AND passive aggressive. Erg!

Jan said...

I'm sorry this happened to you. Frenemy is a great term. This woman is a bitch, plain and simple.

painted maypole said...

very annoying. which is probably this womans point. and HER problem. let it go. ;) and it really only matters what your husband thinks. ;) hope you had a nice dinner out.

Mrs. G. said...

Is it possible that this was Shite Heel's mother?

wheelsonthebus said...

Is it possible she is really socially awkward and actually was trying to reach out? I could imagine being moronic like that.

andi said...

What an odd thing to call about. No wonder you rarely speak with her.

doug said...

You know with the hangover comment you are now going to be the alcoholic lush mom of the school.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

That makes no sense whatsoever. There's more to it. I think she intended to say something else but choked at the last minute and that was the first thing that came out of her mouth. Because that's just weird.

trinity67 said...

Perhaps she was just trying to turn over a new leaf?

Magpie said...

Next time you see her, ask her if she's had a little work done.

Queen Mommy said...

Perhaps her shoes were new and she wanted a taste. WTH???? Seriously, WHO DOES THAT?

Jennifer said...

Well, that is just bizarre.

dkuroiwa said...

Ooh...no, I don't think she was being concerned either. More like, seeing you look tired which made her feel better about herself...people who feel good about the bad or not so good stuff in your life suck.
I wish there was a visine/windex/whtever cure to get rid of attitudes like that!!

QueenMother said...

Pathetic. I am sure she was digging about the party that she undoubtedly wasn't invited to!

a. beaverhausen said...

Sounds like this woman is just really, really nosy. AND crazy enough to think you won't mind answering a few questions about how tired you looked. So very strange!

SaraLynn said...

Some people suck.
I have found that when dealing with moms from my daughter's school, you can't win. They all are critical of each other and try to outdo. And the gossip!! I try to avoid them when I see them in a HEN circle clucking away.
Smile, nod and run!!

Rose Daughter said...

some people are... interesting. but at least you are smart enough to just ignore her.

Stink Eye & Tube Steak said...

That's why I stay VERY far away from the parents at the school my children go to. Frenemy. . .LOVE that term.

I agree with the one reader that she could be socially awkward, and another reader who commented about her passive aggressiveness.

Honey, women like that are all just jealous.

What did I learn in psych classes. . .it's called the fogging technique. All though I love the response of monkey sex, you could just agree in principle, and totally deflate her. "Yes, I might look tired", then she has nothing really to rebut you with.

But sometimes you get fed up with all that jargon, and say politely "F%$# off".

Domestically Challenged said...

OUCH!
Nancy is right - that would really make her look like she was sucking on a wasp.

Nissa said...

Wow- some women are weird. Do you think it was just being catty? Maybe she was jealous that you looked so good, so was trying to make you feel badly about yourself. Hate that!

Hopped to your blog from Seeking Sanity. I like it!

trinity67 said...

Okay so I've had some time to think about my comment and I think I was on crack - she's a bag and should be shoved off the nearest bridge, immediately.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Ha! How I wish you had said, "well, now that you say something, I did stay up super late having sex with Bob!" I hate catty people like that. I mean, really, if she THOUGHT you might be sick or something, couldn't she have asked around or just called to see how you were doing? Blech.

And, by the way, I bet you looked awesome.

Don Mills Diva said...

YUCK - I know a few people who are exactly like this! So transparent in their attempts to throw you just a little off balance - just smile and keep walking indeed.