Friday, February 08, 2008

The Light at the end of the Tunnel - our Future or Just a Hoax?

One of the things that gets me through the day sometimes, I mean really and truly keeps me sane are the conversations I have with my girfriends.

Without other mothers to understand, women who don't think a moment of the shrieking sounds eminating from the toddler glued to your leg, or the caucophony of noise that makes up any background ambience when talking during the after school hours, I would lose it.

These women show me that I am not alone, that I am doing a fine job- - in fact their son/daughter also ate/cooked/lost/glued the family dog/sibling/homework/boyfriend and now their son/daughter is going to a great college and goes to church regularly. And that the police investigation/medical procedure/academic transcript really hasn't affected who they are all these years later. My friends are there where I have already walked, some are ahead of me on the parenting path, and all of them are part of a mutual sounding board that prevents me and them from running away/faking our death/selling a child on eBay at any
given time.

One friend in particular shares a fantasy with me. We daydream about the day when our last child is out of the house, graduated from college, and safely ensconsed in some semblance of career/nurturing relationship. We figure we'll be somewhere in our early to mid seventies.

Then, then the fun begins. This is when we both plan on taking up smoking, tanning, and drinking (more than we already do). My personal goal is to wear nothing but a turquoise bathing suit, carry a cigarette holder and a flask, and park it on some jeweled beach. Screw the consequences. How long does liver disease/lung cancer take anyway?

But then a terrible and dark thought entered our conversation the other day. Something I can't shake. Like a bad dream, my friend (okay, it was Sarah) said to me, "What if one of them has a baby and gives it to us like a puppy to raise while they finish school or growing up or whatever? We'll be eating our senior discount dinners, talking on the phone, and we'll still be saying things like, 'hold on - I have to change a diaper here.'"

I am currently working on my invention, Ortho-Novum Frosted Flakes. I am recommending that we make them a mandatory part of any child's breakfast (even the boys - it may quell some urges).

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'll take a box (or case) of that cereal. As a 42 yo mother to five kids, the youngest of which is 22 months old, AND a grandmother to one with another on the way, the thought of never being without a diaper bag or sippy cup terrifies me. Once the youngest is out (maybe before), my husband and I are moving to a one bedroom cottage.

crazymumma said...

I don't know what I would do without my droogies.

As to having a grandchild. *Clutch*.

I would not want it all the time, but man it would be fun. The cereal idea is brilliant though....

Life As I Know It said...

I have had many of the same thoughts. Daydreaming about all the things I will do once my kids are out of the house, which will be when we are in our 60's? 70's? What if they COME BACK? What if they NEVER LEAVE? ACK!

Orangeblossoms said...

I absolutely snorted out loud at the idea of all of us in turquoise swimsuits with jewel encrusted accessories..... And I am so on board with this OrthoNovum Frosted Flakes idea. Send me a carton when you're done. I'll start the jewel flask fund.

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

I am 28 now (soon to be 29) and I am figuring (hoping) if I have one more kid (after the one I am already incubating), I could be done having kids by the time I'm 31. Which means they could potentially be out of the house--at least off to college--when I am 49 and my hubs is 53. And then I plan to Live. It. Up. With a jewel-encrusted flask!

Mary Beth said...

What if they never leave? Do you get to a point where you move while they're away and don't give them the forwarding address?

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I'm constantly recalculating how old I will be when the girls graduate high school.

Is there room on that beach for me? I've never smoked, but I think I'm going to get a convertible, drink, smoke, live it up in a bikini, too! ;)

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

p.s. I think you're on to something with that cereal

AnotherMomCreation said...

By then you'll want one of them to have a baby.

But you are right, its the ladies in our lives that keep us going, and away from the deep end.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I told my teen daughter specifically (after seeing Juno) that Grandma raising the baby would not be an option. The thought is an utter nightmare. I plan to enjoy my grandchildren, and I can't do that if I'm playing Mommy to them.

I fantasize about what I will do with the house once they're gone. You know, the room my husband can finally use as an office and stick all his crap in, the room I'll store all my craft and knitting paraphenalia (sp?) in, how cozy our den will be with just our 2 chairs and my knitting bag and his newspaper. The smaller table in the kitchen, so we can walk in there without climbing over some chairs...I could go on and on...

dlyn said...

I am only commenting to improve my skin.

Not really - I'm a grandma now and so far, none of them have been left at my house. I did have to stock sippy cups and plastic bowls, but that was relatively easy. It helps that I love building things with duplos.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Five years and counting. When I read articles about "boomerang kids" that stay home until 30, I clip them for my kids and say, "FYI-that will never be you."

Melissa said...

Yummy.

Barb McMahon said...

You are allowed to say no...

When my parents found out they were about to be grandparents, they said "Oh how lovely... we don't babysit."

But, yeah, keep working on that cereal!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

That is one cereal I could totally get behind!

Stink Eye & Tube Steak said...

Hi,

I just memed you, I love to stop by your blog. :) Lisa

Just Seeking said...

I have two (three?) words for my child who decides to have a child before she is ready to care for it herself---abortion or adoption. And I'm sticking to it!

The Cube Monkey said...

You can add to the aging process tourettes. My hubby and I decided that we will add to the drinking and smoke...tourettes...then everyone will either laugh or leave us alone lol

Marie said...

That actually happened to my parents. My sister just decided she didn't want her kids anymore, and my parents drove across five states to pick them up. Five months later they drove them back again and said "screw this!" I've made sure they've never had to do so much as walk one of my kids to the bathroom.

slouching mom said...

oh, aren't mom friends the BEST!

curse you for putting that thought (of having to diaper my own grandchild) in my head! luckily, i have only boys, so i'm guessing that heir future MIL will be taking on all the dirty jobs.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

You'd rock that turquoise suit right now, although that image of the old lady in Something About Mary flashed in my head when I thought about an 80 year old in one.

I like the idea of being a grandma. But, RAISING a grandchild? Bite your tongue!

Rony said...

My parent's moved out on me when I was 23. I think they were trying to prove a point. Joke was on them. I didn't get it. I stayed in the house after they rented it! lol..

Laura McIntyre said...

Ahh yes i get through the sleepless nights by think of the days when it will all be over.

dkuroiwa said...

As a late starter in the "mommy game", when my youngest is 20...I'll be 60...please, dear Lord, let me be able to enjoy it and hopefully, 60 will be the new 50, or 40 or whatever!!

AuthorMomWithDogs said...

Here's my strategy for kids handing over grandkids in dumb and run fashion -- JUST SAY NO! :)

dawn224 said...

wow. you could probably script a horror movie just for moms....

Beth said...

I think you've got the right idea! Birth control cereal! I'm sure Kellogg's would love it!

crazylady said...

I went into nursing so I'd learn how to crush pills properly and hide it in applesauce ...mwahahahhaha.