Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Judgment Day

Before I pose my question today, I need to point y'all over in the direction of my review blog. If you could use a $50 CVS gift card, you definitely need to head on over for your chance to win one. Oh, you have so much money that you couldn't possibly use $5o? Yeah, me too. Now go!

Here is my question. Have any of you ever been in a relationship where you have watched your friend/lover/spouse/co-worker blaze down a path of self-destruction? It could be drugs, or a gambling problem, or an eating disorder...the details don't really matter.

At what point do you step in and say what's on your mind? At what point do you back off? Is backing off a viable option if you're committed to the well-being to the person?

As a mom, I have spent the last fourteen years as dictator CEO in my own home. This means I make the calls on nearly everything. Like many of you, I've become accustomed to making snap decisions, leading, and acting as the moral majority for my kids. I think one of the hardest things about watching your children grow up is letting go of all that control. I've been a puppet master to my children, literally wiping their bottoms, feeding them, choosing play dates. When your child seemingly overnight becomes a person with autonomous desires, and a will (oh, the pre-teen will. Stronger than a magnetic force field) it's hard to cut the puppet strings and let them at it. I'm in the process of doing this with my oldest, and it's been interesting to say the least. Let's just say we're both growing up/

I think this sometimes bleeds into other relationships. Whether it be going on autopilot and cutting your husband's meat for him (so guilty of that one) to barking orders to people who may not be your kids ("we'll do it this way, now let's go!").

I imagine someday, when my kids are grown, that I would never want to back off. I probably will, but that day just looms too far into the future. I think the line blurs more with people who aren't related to you, or to whom your connection is less.

So, just a question, just musing. Have a great Wednesday and THANK you everyone for being patient with my HUGE blog error of the century. It's really hard being as technologically dumb as me. You have to work at it.


Audubon Ron said...

“I imagine someday, when my kids are grown, that I would never want to back off.”

Let me example what happened to me.

Boing, I’m born. Lots of elbows, wash rags, bottles, kisses, hugs and then one day (about my first birthday) I came to realize I was no longer an appendage of my parents. Then mom sat me down and explained the chain of command.

Your dad
Your wife (one can only hope you’ll marry some one I will actually like)
Your boss
Then you.

“But why momma?” Cuz I said so and I’m the momma! Now OBEY!

That never changed.

Nancy said...

Two words: helicopter parenting

I was a pilot! It is hard to give them free choice in some things.

When mine were getting to that point (13/preteen) ... I said,

"Go for it, but you are on a rope, don't pull too far off the direction we, as parents, set you on, because although you are out, on your own, I am at the end of that rope, and a noose on the other, if you get off the path, come back for my help or you will just end up hanging yourself with a wrong decision"

Mrs. Incredible said...

Wow, I'm scared of Nancy ;) A noose? Yikers. I like the chain of command Ron posted, though.

Cathy said...


I'm told I've always been bossy and interfering, long before I had kids.

Example: For years after my youngest sister's birth, my mom refused to go back the ob/gyn for yearly exams. By the time I was in college, she was too terrified to go, because now it had been so long she was certain they would find something.

Finally, I took matters into my own hands, and made an appt. (without her knowledge) with my ob/gyn. My dad and sisters knew about it and supported my move. Then, just a few nights before the appt. date, we told her. I also pointed out that I had told them she was a scaredy-cat and that if she tried to cancel, they would know why.

She fumed for three days and stop talking to all of us.

Then she went. Her fears were allayed. Life was good.

So in that one case, at least, things worked out.

I'm not so certain of my abilities when acting a parent rather than a bossy child, however! said...

Yep, I've been in one of "those" relationships. My own unfortunately. Another story another day. Glad it's over.

I am a bit on the controlling side and am most happiest when things go my way. I don't see that changing anytime soon. Jeff has said he won't be surprised if we move to the same town girls are going to college in. Poor children.....