Uber Mom

I hate it when you realize that you're not going to have it all. I still harbor the belief that if I just get enough energy I could be this woman:

Rises at five for meditation, jog, and house cleaning. Return home from run, start home cooked breakfast, listen to NPR, and watch as smiling, beatific children tumble down to breakfast. Smile to myself as they make jokes about how their science project is going to beat out Bobby's next door. After all, they worked so hard on it these past weeks. Glow visibly as Bob enters kitchen, try to contain sexual arousal at man who has been able to turn me on for the past nineteen years. Hand him his coffee as he places his arm around my tiny waist (the one that hasn't changed a bit! after birthing four babies) and shudder with delight as he slips his other hand around my back and covertly places a one of a kind 1920s art deco jade necklace around my neck that he found at an estate sale while on a business trip. Giggle, since he does this every Tuesday!

See the children off to school, return home to tidy up, but everything is already so clean, fresh, and right out of an Ethan Allen showcase it seems almost silly to tamper with perfection. Retire to office to work on second book in negotiated Random House bookdeal while 21 month old son plays cherubically at my feet.

After several productive hours of working, gather cheery son and go to school, where I pull up into parking space with my name on it. It's the safest space on the lot, and the plaque reads, "For all of Your Hard Work and Selfless Dedication, Jen M."

Pick up happy children who keep interrupting each other to tell me how much they missed me, how many As they got that day, and how they want to stop off at the local shelter before we go home and give their allowance to the homeless. We do, and for a reward, I take my debit card and treat them to a shopping trip with no worries about the amount I spent. I even treat myself to three size two Diane Von Faustenberg wrap dresses.

Return home to see that the chef has already prepared the savory, delectable, calorie-free dinner and the wine is already corked. Sigh happily and take in the glory that is just another day.

If only I was a morning person, all of this would be mine.