Wednesday, April 23, 2008

This Hike Brought to You by Ortho Novum

Yesterday my friend and I thought it would be fun to hike to the bottom of a fairly sizeable canyon and back with the little kids. We packed a picnic lunch, loaded up on water and sunscreen, and I placed all 30 pounds of Jack on my back.

There's this whole element to hiking that I am still fairly new to, and that would be the downhill/uphill thing. If you spend the first half of your hike enjoying the scenery as you traverse downhill, it is inevitable that you will spend the last part of your hike walking uphill. As enjoyable as this all sounds, the pleasure dynamic does shift somewhat when you are lugging a toddler on your back. In my case, a toddler who thoroughly enjoys smashing remnants of cheese into the hairs on the back of my neck or grabbing my hair and steering me with it.

So as we made our way back to the top, somewhere between when my legs began to feel as if they were made of rubber and where I realized you can't make cell phone calls in a canyon, two delightful things happened. First, Jack proceeded to shriek in such a manner that the blood, if and when it finally decided to pour from my shattered eardrums, would trickle in a thin rivulet and land in a blot on my shoulder to resemble almost exactly the profile of Dinah Shore. He sustained this piercing screaming until we got back to the car, in fact. I suppose it was toddler-speak for get me off of your back, woman. There is no more cheese to smash and I am becoming annoyed by your ripe odor. I have a nap that needs to happen and a diaper to fill.

Meanwhile, my friend's daughter, who had been very happy for the most part chasing lizards with Jacob, decided she was not. going. to. walk. back. with. us. NO MATTER WHAT. So she had her own less piercing tantrum while her mom kept her cool and only threatened to strap her to the top of the car once.

As things developed, a young couple passed us on the trail. They tried to get past us as quickly as possibly, the fear evident on their faces. Even their large dog wouldn't look at us and kept his head low. I saw his tail tuck between his legs as Jack let out a particularly high-decibel wail.

There was nothing to do of course but smile at the couple and say, "We're part of a public service announcement for the forest service encouraging young couples not to breed. Now go! Refill your birth control as soon as you get back to town."

They actually ran past us.

13 comments:

Nancy said...

Bwa-hahaha ... indeed a PSA for birth control.

I bet your calf muscles are looking awesome though ... all your hiking!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm having flashbacks to a hike in Mammoth that involved two toddlers, not enough water, and a husband that decided it would be a good idea to hike ahead with the older two. Words were exchanged at Rainbow Falls that may have inspired some young couples to forgo marriage altogether.

Becky said...

Oh yeah! Teenagers daughters in a cell phone store will do that too.

Trudie said...

...or a 4 year-old in the grocery store who points at the massively overweight manager and pipes up 'MOOMY, LOOK AT THAT MAN!!! ISN'T HE FAT??? - while Mom tries to hide in the broccoli.

Missy said...

glad to hear that you are doing your part to prevent overpopulation! And I am sure teenage pregnancy rates are going down as I write this. ;)

liv said...

my new personal mantra is: nuvaring

or, date dudes with vasectomies.

Roya Rose said...

Liv,
I got pregnant on the NuvaRing...

Men with vasectomies must be the way to go!

Mary Beth said...

That'll learn you - hiking with toddlers!

Circus Kelli said...

Wow... and I thought taking three kids to the shoe store by myself was adventurous... you're my hero.

painted maypole said...

this brings back memories of hiking at Yosemite with a young May Queen

crazymumma said...

I have just read way too many posts about you crazy people going hiking with children. stop . stop now.

katydidnot said...

praise jesus for my tubal ligation.

oh, and not having sex. that also helps.

Jan said...

Too, too funny. But keep up the hiking with the kids, it's great for everyone.