Home of the Woo Woo

I love where I live, truly. But sometimes I am driven to the edge by the new-agey, healthy-food crazed, greenness of it all. Or as my sister would say, the "woo woo" factor.

I love my environment, my heart and mind are open to new ideas, and we eat a pretty healthy diet maybe 80% of the time. But by my town's standards, I suppose the fact that I allow things like Diet Coke, chips, and the occasional trip through a fast food joint means I am basically feeding my babies rat poison. I'm somewhat inured to some of these things, like at school meetings where we (I believe) innocently suggested stocking the front office with granola bars for hungry kids and several parents nearly died of shock and disgust over the idea that we would feed our school children fake packaged food with - of all things - sucralose - in it. For real, the rat poison comparison was drawn.

Anyway, yesterday I was invited to a lunchtime function and was told to bring my younger children, that lunch and childcare would be provided. It was outside of my regular circle, but I went to support one of my closest friends and another who had recently had a birthday. Other than that, I was out of my element. But, it was a trunk show, and the opportunity to look at new clothes is always welcome, especially since I start my life as a working gal in just a few days.

I'm so used to this town that I barely batted an eye at the home of our hostess, which was littered with crystals and candles and woodland sprites. Hey - my kids go to a Waldorf school now. I'm down with the woo woo. It doesn't stop me from watching my Real Housewives of New York City (no matter how many times I hear that tv is poison I will always love it. Puhlease. While they are fondling their chakras or whatever, I'm still writing novels in between episodes of bitchy socialites).

But I draw the line when young kids are, in my opinion, negatively affected - by any kind of lifestyle I should add. Yesterday, after playing for an hour while we grown-ups chatted and I counted down the minutes before I had to leave to get Jack down for a nap, Jacob came up to me. "Mama, I'm hungry."

I noticed that it was already one and neither of the boys had eaten lunch. Gah! So I went into the kitchen where the lunch buffet was assembled. To wit, by buffet I mean: A ceramic bowl of edamame in the pod, a smaller bowl of raw almonds, some orzo with mint and edamame and some apples. To me, the perfect lunch for grown women watching their diet and their health. For a five year-old who runs around all day and just wants a cheese sandwich or something in nugget form with some fruit? Not so much. And to drink, there was a beautiful glass canister of Red Zinger tea. For the kids, people.

Jacob, who will eat tofu-based "chicken" nuggets, looked about forlornly and said, "Mama! Where is the food for kids?"

Cue hostess, who entered with a supremely annoyed look and gestured wildly to the counter as if to say, do you not see the smorgasbord behind you? She then irritatedly looked at Jacob and me and said, "There is plenty of food." And walked away as if we had just raided her panty drawer.

So after another hour, with two tired and cranky boys who hadn't eaten since snack time, I left and took them out to lunch. Guess where we ate?

McDonalds.