Friday, April 25, 2008

Home of the Woo Woo

I love where I live, truly. But sometimes I am driven to the edge by the new-agey, healthy-food crazed, greenness of it all. Or as my sister would say, the "woo woo" factor.

I love my environment, my heart and mind are open to new ideas, and we eat a pretty healthy diet maybe 80% of the time. But by my town's standards, I suppose the fact that I allow things like Diet Coke, chips, and the occasional trip through a fast food joint means I am basically feeding my babies rat poison. I'm somewhat inured to some of these things, like at school meetings where we (I believe) innocently suggested stocking the front office with granola bars for hungry kids and several parents nearly died of shock and disgust over the idea that we would feed our school children fake packaged food with - of all things - sucralose - in it. For real, the rat poison comparison was drawn.

Anyway, yesterday I was invited to a lunchtime function and was told to bring my younger children, that lunch and childcare would be provided. It was outside of my regular circle, but I went to support one of my closest friends and another who had recently had a birthday. Other than that, I was out of my element. But, it was a trunk show, and the opportunity to look at new clothes is always welcome, especially since I start my life as a working gal in just a few days.

I'm so used to this town that I barely batted an eye at the home of our hostess, which was littered with crystals and candles and woodland sprites. Hey - my kids go to a Waldorf school now. I'm down with the woo woo. It doesn't stop me from watching my Real Housewives of New York City (no matter how many times I hear that tv is poison I will always love it. Puhlease. While they are fondling their chakras or whatever, I'm still writing novels in between episodes of bitchy socialites).

But I draw the line when young kids are, in my opinion, negatively affected - by any kind of lifestyle I should add. Yesterday, after playing for an hour while we grown-ups chatted and I counted down the minutes before I had to leave to get Jack down for a nap, Jacob came up to me. "Mama, I'm hungry."

I noticed that it was already one and neither of the boys had eaten lunch. Gah! So I went into the kitchen where the lunch buffet was assembled. To wit, by buffet I mean: A ceramic bowl of edamame in the pod, a smaller bowl of raw almonds, some orzo with mint and edamame and some apples. To me, the perfect lunch for grown women watching their diet and their health. For a five year-old who runs around all day and just wants a cheese sandwich or something in nugget form with some fruit? Not so much. And to drink, there was a beautiful glass canister of Red Zinger tea. For the kids, people.

Jacob, who will eat tofu-based "chicken" nuggets, looked about forlornly and said, "Mama! Where is the food for kids?"

Cue hostess, who entered with a supremely annoyed look and gestured wildly to the counter as if to say, do you not see the smorgasbord behind you? She then irritatedly looked at Jacob and me and said, "There is plenty of food." And walked away as if we had just raided her panty drawer.

So after another hour, with two tired and cranky boys who hadn't eaten since snack time, I left and took them out to lunch. Guess where we ate?

McDonalds.

33 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm with you--there's healthy and then there's carrying it a bit too far.

Jan said...

Good Gawd, did that Woo Woo Woman even have children? If so, poor babies.

Becky said...

Woo Woo? -- more like Peee-EEWW! Stinky attitude on the part of your hostess.

Magpie said...

Lord. Some people just don't get it.

Nancy said...

::: shutters ::: at "those types".

There's nothing wrong with healthy eating, but she should have served healthy food for little kids ... not pretentious "ladies luncheon" crap!

I bet she's a closet fast food eater, lol

Doug said...

You could start leaving McD bags in her garbage. That would surely put her in disfavor amoungst all the neighbors.

Marie said...

My kids love edamame and apples, it's one of their favorite lunches. But I hate peeling that stuff for them. So they generally get Easy Mac.

Audubon Ron said...

My wife has declared NO MORE RED MEAT! I said, “You eat ice cream don’t you?” To which she replied, “SO!” I said, “Honey, that’s liquid meat.” MOO

Trudie said...

Crikey! I can't believe this woman could have children of her own.
Healthy food, yes - of course. Food to impress your friends - give me a break!

Madame Queen said...

That lady was not a very gracious hostess. You're supposed to make your guests feel welcome, even if it means going out of your way to make it happen.

Jen M. said...

I agree - leaving your comfort zone to make others feel comfortable is the essence of a good host.

And yeah, she has a child. One.

And my older kids will eat edamame - as a snack. But only in limited amounts. Of course apples are good - but when you're a walking metabolic wonder as a kid - you need and want way more than that. Again - I thought it was a perfect lunch for me.

Sandnmyshooz said...

and Red Zinger in a glass canister? for kids? get real. I'd have been in the car behind you at McD's, supersizing those fries....

Bogart in P Towne said...

Good for you...I hope you bought them chicken nuggets with a side of fries!

liv said...

Dear Scottsdale Snooty Hoots,

In your haste to keep up appearances, and successfully con us all into believing that most kids subsist on tempeh and berries, you have pissed me off.

Next time, I shall bring a sack of Chick-fil-A to your residence. Suck on that.

kisses, livi

Rima said...

Rock and roll sister! What, couldn't she have busted open a box of Joe's O's with some freakin' soymilk or something?

Beck said...

Good grief. I believe you were legally obligated to take your kids to McDonalds after that.

marymurtz said...

Edamame? Seriously?

It's the Red Zinger tea that made me roll my eyes the most. Occasional fast food isn't going to hurt anyone. But insufferable pretensiousness might get that woman smacked on the head.

Amy said...

Wow, nice of your hostess to provide lunch for the kids. NOT!

Surely if she was going the health food route she could have had trays of veggies with DIP or a nice fruit plate?

Ok, insist she leaves your social calendar NOW!

Sunshine said...

My kids would have been starving too.

katydidnot said...

orzo with mint and edamame? that's just dumb.

painted maypole said...

wow. come here. you'll get lots of chips and desserts at our gatherings. ;)

islaygirl said...

i don't even know you and I LOVE YOU.

islaygirl said...

oh, and p.s. i totally second rima and amy. there are ways to give kids super-healthy without starving them.

and the red zinger. sweet fancy moses.

Sass E-mum said...

I've got to confess that I'm a bit of a nutter for home cooked food - but even I know that a chocolate biscuit makes Ellie happy and that other people (especially grandparents and party hosts) want to enjoy feeding children.

It won't be long before woo-woo mom is embarrassed by her offspring asking 'Why can't we have this nice food at home, mommy?'

Hope it's your house and you can hear it for yourself.

KathyLikesPink said...

While reading your post I was overcome by the urge to slap that woman senseless.

Oh wait, she already is.

You were a good friend to stick it out for another hour. I don't know if I would have. I suspect not.

andi said...

Is it terrible that I'm a bit jealous that you live somewhere with a high woo woo factor? We could use some of that here - sometimes I tire of people driving around in their pick-up trucks whose bumper stickers declare their love of beef.

Totally get your irritation about this, though - there's a list of about 10 things my daughter will eat and edamame is definitely not on there.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Your kids will be the envy of their class. Red Zinger tea? You couldn't get ME to drink that!

Wendy said...

I think the apples are the only thing my kids would have eaten at that "buffet". I agree with Madame Queen, she was not a gracious hostess.

Are granola bars really rat poison? That is our snack of choice when hiking.

Okay, now I'm waiting for the wondrous transformation of my skin since I left a comment. lol

Domestically Challenged said...

OH Please!

....that's just stupid....she needs a reality check, and I feel really sorry for her children!

as for 'fondling their chakras' - positively obscene!

Anna said...

How welcoming! Glad they got a solid meal !

Jennifer H said...

What an awful hostess, never mind a short-sighted one.

I love Liv's comment!

Just Seeking said...

I hadn't realized this had happened!!! Jacob could have shared J's lunch! But yes, the woo woo of this town drives me CRAZY too...sigh.

BipolarLawyerCook said...

Gah. Nuggets exist for a reason. No wonder the woo woo babies grow up into pinch faced cranks who snap at children.