Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Dear God, it's me, Jen

Growing up as a beigey WASP I never knew the splendors of the coming of age celebration. No Bat Mitzvah for me. No wedding-like Quinceanera.

When I first got my period my mother grew weepy, called my Aunt, gave me a butterfly wing locket and announced my bleeding at the dinner table to mixed reviews. In between sniffed metaphors describing my metamorphosis into a young woman, my little sister noted that I had leaked onto the dining room chair, and my dad managed a grunt in between bites of pot roast.

I grew up reading Judy Blume and swimming at our local Jewish Community pool with my cousins. I went through a phase where I wanted to be Jewish like Margaret wanted boobs and a menstrual cycle.

After this last Christmas, I found myself again considering a conversion. Right around December 23, the point each year where I either threaten to run away or self-inflict a head wound in the hopes of a coma through the new year, I told Bob this was our last Christmas as gentiles.

I am more of a summer break girl myself. All this transfatty goodness/party with the neighbors/spend all my money American way to have Christmas is getting a little stale.

Then I thought of eight days of presents for the six people in our house, plus the relatives.

I think I'd rather just have the Bat Mitzvah? It's only 23 years late, I'm sure there is a loophole in the procedure, no?

So I am making 2008 my extended coming of age celebration.

I feel like this year holds great things, and I feel ready to spread my wings. How about you? Shall we come of age together?

28 comments:

Erin said...

I am very, very glad that it is nearly over. We're leaving (pulling the girls out of bed for nappus-interruptus, even) in 30 minutes to go to a New Year's Day party at my in-laws and then tomorrow is back to the grind. And I can't wait.

Robin said...

You realize that if you truly want a Bat Mitzvah like the one you would have had way back then then you have to have a feathered haircut (with wings!) and a really really ugly ruffly satin dress, preferably in purple. You know that, right?

bermudabluez said...

Happy New Year!!! Hope it's a good one for you!

Kellan said...

I hope you have a wonderful New Year - it holds loads and loads of promise, doesn't it? Take care and see you soon. Kellan

BetteJo said...

Yeah but there's that little 'Jesus' detail. How do you get around THAT one?

tommie said...

Happy New Years....can't wait to see what changes it holds for you!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I like the way you think! I am still feeling the effects in both my lower intestinal tract (from the fatty foods) AND my bank account! Both are quite painful! :)

Happy new year!

painted maypole said...

coming of age together sounds grand

Beck said...

I truly, truly love Christmas - but the quiet week afterwards is nice, too.
STill, coming of age might be a good thing. I'll cautiously dip my toe into the waters.

mjd said...

I think that I will pass on the coming of age, but I could pass on some of the gift giving and even more so on the gift receiving. After so many years in the same house, we do not need any more stuff. That is why I like Thanksgiving. We get together to be together. I wish all holidays were the same. However, I do hope that best year for you and if you wish to come of age so be it.

crazylady said...

Sure, when I get my period, you'll be the first one I call. You can even announce it at dinner.

And when I get boobs, I'll post that on my own blog.

Thanks for a year of laughs Jen.

mommymommyland said...

well, we still eat a lot at chanuaka, (actaully all the Jewish holidays are centered around food) maybe festivus (??) has less food? :)

Life As I Know It said...

"I am more of a summer break girl myself. All this transfatty goodness/party with the neighbors/spend all my money American way to have Christmas is getting a little stale."

I couldn't agree more!!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

What exactly does one have to do to 'come of age?' Does it involve virgin sacrifice? If so, I'm---um----damaged goods.

Katrina said...

But what will we be when we grow up? I think I want to come of age and become a ballerina princess veterinarian fire fighter astronaut admin goddess with ponies and 4 kids!

I have the 4 kids, so one thing off the list!

MamaGeek said...

Man I love your writing style. And Happy Coming of Age my friend!

Cathy said...

A-men.

What was Margaret's chant again? When doing the breast-enhancing exercises?

"We must increase our bust" or something like that, right?

jen said...

you go, girl.

dawn&brian said...

Funny how January 1st brings a bombardment of ads for home storage and weight loss, isn't it? Store all of the crap you bought - put it outta sight and outta mind. Get rid of that fat ass you built with all of those cookies and chocolate covered cherries by swim suit season! Binge and purge.
It really is quite mad when you step back and take a look at our behaviour in this country.

Madame Queen said...

Interesting post. I didn't feel like this holiday held a lot of special meaning for me. I was so involved in making sure that everything Santa related went well. Also, my kids are a little small to get what Christmas really means to me. My vow is to do better next year and not get caught up in all the stuff!

Happy New Year!

Jenn at Juggling Life said...

Ah, Judy Blume--if her books were music they would have been the soundtrack of my youth!

suburbancorrespondent said...

January is my favoritest month.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I will celebrate with you. 'Cept I want a debutante ball. Mmmkay?

imbeingheldhostage said...

Love it! We've decided (after our Christmas morning fiasco) that we will be SOMEWHERE (anywhere) else next Christmas-- not at home around a tree surrounded by things that will litter the floor and be forgotten by children with self-inflicted sugar comas. Looking forward to reading your 2008 posts, Happy New Year!

Jennifer said...

Bring it on!

Audubon Ron said...

I'm already of age and thanks for reminding me you little creep.

pootandcubby said...

Ooh, I would love to have a Quinceanera.

-andi

myminivanisfasterthanyours said...

Before you go applying for your "Member of the Tribe" card, let me e-mail you some pics of my son's bris :)