Friday, May 04, 2007

Could I Have a Side of Foot With That?

Yesterday I had some "time to myself" which usually means a gynecological appointment or a haircut. As it turns out, my obgyn and I go to the same hair salon, and when she saw me there last time she commented that she didn't know I highlighted my hair.Um. Okay."Beth. You have seen my vagina like, what? A dozen times? You pulled a kid out of there for Christ's sake. And you never noticed the slightest discrepancy in the shades of hair on my body?"Fantastic way to render a beauty salon completely silent. So you needed that background to know that my stylist already thinks I'm slightly daft. Yesterday, she was cutting my hair, and she was a lot quieter than usual. Then she mentioned that her wedding is a week from today."Are you excited?"Pause. "Yes.""Oh. Are you nervous?""Yes. Is that normal?"This is where I maybe messed up.Normal? Of course it's normal, sweetie. In fact, that entire first year can be a real crapfest for a lot of couples getting used to the new dynamic. But don't worry, it gets better. I think on average, women struggle hardest in the first five years. And if you can make it to year seven? You have a great chance of getting to year eleven, and if you can eek it out until then, you're in for life. And usually, by then, especially if you've had kids, the thought of another man seeing your naked body is enough to keep you happily married until you die. Completely normal, honey. Can I get some layers?Why can't I shut up sometimes? Why?