Monday, July 21, 2008

You Say Anal, I Say Just Cut Me Some Slack

I've been squeezing in some half days at work this summer in addition to my weekend schedule and it's been nice to have the extra adult time and income. We've basically cancelled most of our pre-existing plans for the summer so we can be close to home and available to travel to see Bob's brother, and working is something I can do to help offset some of the travel expenses. There are a lot of upsides to this arrangement, and my girls have benefitted from this, too.

While I'm at work, they have jobs at home, work to complete (the dreaded summer curriculum I come up with as I panic that their brains are leaking out of their heads with each episode of Hannah Montana they watch while consuming god knows how much food coloring and preservatives), and babysitting of their younger brothers to help with. Of course I pay them, and the big reward is an airplane trip out to stay with cousins in Minnesota next month.

My girlfriend, Kristi, came by the house a couple of days ago to drop off the hamster we will be trying not to kill babysitting for the next two weeks. I wasn't home, and Bob had already come home and taken the kids. So it was natural, when she saw the typed letter on the counter addressed to my husband, that she would read it. And then later mock me. And then mock my husband. What else is a good friend going to do with the following?

Bob:

Please leave the house no later than 3:30 for the club. The girls have swim team in the outdoor pool from 4:00 – 5:30 and Jacob has swim lessons in the indoor pool from 4:30 to 5:00.

I have packed a brown bag with a protein snack for the kids at the pool. Each child can have half a piece of cheese toast and some apple. If you want to let them buy something additional after they have eaten the healthy snack, feel free. DO NOT FORGET TO PUT THE SNACK SACK IN THE POOL BAG. It is in the ‘fridge labeled “pool snack.”

When you get home Jack needs to wake up, pronto. The kids should have their summer bridgework looked over for quality and completion. Maddie should have completed six pages in her book (two for each subject tab), Chloe should have done her three pages plus instructed Jacob on his short “u” page, the money page, the letter “g” sound and the work page covering relative size.

Maddie should have started reading her book for her oral book report next week. She should show you the book and tell you how many pages she read.

I will come home with dinner, movies, and a treat. The movies and treat are contingent upon successful completion of their jobs and NO BICKERING, HARM or FOUL PLAY. You should call me at work immediately if they did this, and in that case I will only bring home dinner.

There is a cold soda in the snack bag for you to drink at the pool – we are short on food and I will pick groceries up before I come home.

LASTLY: THERE IS NO MORE SUNSCREEN. Please buy some at the store before the girls get in the outdoor pool – they will burn up (as will Jack) if they are not protected.

Thank you.

Your wife,

Jennifer

22 comments:

fairytalesandmargaritas said...

You are a brave woman to post that! I was chuckling/cowering while reading that, bc that's EXACTLY the type of e-mail I send my husband! It really is the only way to get things done!

J & J Acres said...

This made me laugh b/c my mom would write these type of letters to my dad. There was 8 of us, of course, so it had a few more instructions, but she had him scheduled down the the 15-minute mark. heh.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Wow. That's really all I can say.

Not quite sure whether I am in awe of you or just plain scared of you...maybe a little bit of both!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

This seems perfectly logical to me.

Jen M. said...

Beth - my husband feels the same way. Really.

Anonymous said...

Okay - I say anal.

amanda said...

I see nothing wrong with that letter. Obviously, your husband is not as detail oriented as the female specie and needs guidance :)

Sarcasta-Mom said...

LOL. I leave my husband letters like that ALL the time. If I don't, he claims ignorance of what he's supposed to do :)

marymurtz said...

If a man complains about this kind of letter, he's crazy. This is the kind of instruction everyone needs so the kids can't claim "Oh, well, Mom lets us have whatever we want to eat before swimming..."

Although the "Your wife, Jennifer" part did make me laugh out loud!

MamaNeena said...

I write the same 'notes' to my hubby all the time. I firmly believe he can't function and the kids will all starve and die if I don't leave such notes.

Rima said...

I think that note deserves a Pulitzer.

standing still said...

The "your wife" insert name here shows just how much prompting our men really need.

As if he couldn't keep you straight from his other wives .... jeesh.

Circus Kelli said...

Pfft. You call that anal?! You should see the booklet I leave when I go off to a conference! :)

noble pig said...

My hubby would probably read the first paragraph and stop. Wing it. Forget everything and then let me yell at him!

Whatevah'!

Hen said...

So that's where I have being going wrong....

Minnie said...

I can honestly say that I do the same thing, so I can't make fun of you.

It's actually very comforting to know I'm no where near as crazy as my family leads me to believe.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Wow! You sure are thorough! The question is: Did he actually read it and follow along? (Because I know my Hubby wouldn't!)

kristi said...

LOL...quite the list. I am intimidated!

jane - mom generations said...

Men are like children. They need precise, idiot-proof directions to get things right. And then they still get things wrong. Or is that just my husband!? :-)

Nina Diane said...

your blog is so funny...love your writing. Hope you don't mind but I added you to my blog roll....

candeelady said...

No wonder the husbands don't read the notes wives leave - this was so condescending. Men have brains- just point them in the right direction. As the famous Dragnet cop Friday said "Just the facts Mam!"

place
time
food
sunscreen
homework

Just think the time you will save not writing extensive itineraries,Ms.Anal.... & you will have a husband/partner and not an over nagged husband/child

bichonpawz said...

Wow! You are a very brave woman! I salute your organization!