Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Teenagers: Can't Live With them, Can't Use them as BioFuel

For my 300th post I thought I should post something short, sweet and snarky. I also forgot to mention that you can all now reach my site by typing in getinthecar.net - soon I will have the entire blog over there, and be entirely free of blogger once and for all. Free, I say! But for now it's a lot less cumbersome to type and certainly easier to remember...and for those of you using readers, if you wouldn't mind adjusting your browsers sometime I would greatly appreciate it.

Last night The Teenager had a friend stay for dinner. In the past year The Teenager has gone from a drooling carnivore to an animal hugging vegetarian. Coincidentally, many of her friends are also vegetarians. I get it, I do. She's trying on one of sure to be many personas in her efforts to find herself. I also get that karma is a total whore because I did this to my own mother and forced her to create tofu dishes for me at holiday dinners. Because we all know how easy it is to create a Thanksgiving feast, why not whip up a Thai peanut tofu noodle dish, as well?

For the five-sixths of the family who still consume the evil flesh, I had cooked a jambalaya with turkey sausage. On the side I had a spinach salad and fresh sliced nectarines. A cold pitcher of iced tea also sat sweating on the kitchen table. It was a simple summer meal, but one that made me happy to prepare in light of all the hospital cafeteria food we've eaten recently. Before I added the turkey sausage, I carefully made a veggie jambalaya with black beans and chick peas and topped it with grated cheese. I called everyone in to eat and told them to hurry up - we planned on catching a family swim before bedtime. The Teenager and her friend, Surly Political Teen, came into the kitchen and sniffed the air like a couple of knobby-kneed Meerkats.

"Um, is that meat I smell?" Grumbled The Teenager.

"Yes, it is a deceased turkey that is flavoring our rice. I have a vegetarian dish on the table for you and Surly Political Teen. Now wash up."

Surly Political Teen rolled her eyes with my daughter and tapped her fingers disdainfully on the bowl of our carniverous fare. "You're the only one in your family who is a vegetarian?" My daughter nodded her painful assent, acknowledging her lone status as the only sane and good member of the family. Surly Political teen looked at me. "You know, Kentucky Fried Chicken tortures their animals before cooking them."

"Well, honey, this is turkey. I just slapped it around a little before frying it."

Five years to college and counting.

25 comments:

Sandy in Williams said...

I would use my teenage son as bio fuel today.

Beck said...

Bleh!
My favorite thing to tell vegetarians who get like THAT is just how many animals are killed in the production of ALL human food crops (grain= amimal death trap)... or just to order the rude little creep out of my house, one or the other.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Ahhh, the days when you know so much more than your idiot parents are sweet. For the kids. Not the parents.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

You know, it's never too late to teach certain vegetarians some manners...

And believe me, I feel your pain.

Trudie said...

I never had to deal with that particular flavour of teenage rebellion - but I've had a bevy of students who gagged over the lunches served at school. Annoying as all get out - but at least I left them behind when I went home!

Madame Queen said...

That literally made me laugh out loud. Be sure to tell them that they need to stop using MOST of their beauty supplies, including their shampoo and deodorant and toothpaste, as they are most likely tested on animals.

flutter said...

oh NO the teen should NEVER SMELL MEAT!!!! *screams and runs away*

oy, the drama.

meat is murder, tasty tasty murder.

Rima said...

See, with that kind of attitude, I could not have resisted sneaking in a bit-o-beef broth in their jambalaya. Or something.

Next time, maybe they can prepare their own din-din?

marymurtz said...

Loved the title of this, and your remark about slapping the turkey around. Perfect! LOL!

fairytalesandmargaritas said...

I feel your pain. We went through this phase for 5 months. THank god that is all. It was awful!

Lora said...

That last bit made me laugh out loud. I have a 6 year old that is currently making me dread the teenage years...yikes!

Fiesty Charlie said...

I like your quick come back! Gotta remember that one for when I need it myself.

Can we get the recipes?

LOL

Bogart in P Towne said...

Is it bad that I can't wait to have kids...then watch them as teens?

I think I am a glutton for punishment!

Memarie Lane said...

LOL! About half of my family is vegetarian, but it's all fairly recent and has more to do with health than KFC.

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Yeah gods, I fear the day my children become teenagers......

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

I fear that if any of my kids ever declare themselves vegetarians, they may be disowned by my husband. We love us some grilled flesh over here.

Magpie said...

What Flutter said. Tasty murder.

I tried to change bloglines...but your feed still comes up as the .blogspot.com address...

Fantastagirl said...

My cousin is vegan, imagine family gatherings - oh I should mention - most of the family raises steers, chickens or hogs.

Yep. Fun is an understatement.

Anna said...

Happy 300 posts! I will miss "lottakids" which makes me smile every time I come here, but a girl's got to do what it takes for a domain.

i have an embarrassing secret, I have had hankandwillie.com for a YEAR and haven't finished moving things over. Sigh.

Give that turkey a smack for me.

Anna said...

Happy 300 posts! I will miss "lottakids" which makes me smile every time I come here, but a girl's got to do what it takes for a domain.

i have an embarrassing secret, I have had hankandwillie.com for a YEAR and haven't finished moving things over. Sigh.

Give that turkey a smack for me.

Nap Warden said...

OMG...I love your comeback!

Hen said...

Good for you - Sub's right - don't just slap the turkey do the teenagers at the same time!

We have friends who are 'born again' carnivores...they come to Sunday lunch and fight over the pork crackling...when their teen fought her Dad for the last bit, I reminded her it was pig skin...she still ate it!!!

Veronica @ Toddled Dredge said...

So do vegans that rabid take antibiotics? Because how could they murder all those innocent bacteria?

Love your smartass comeback.

Daisy said...

Love your quick comeback! I take it the friend doesn't hunt, either. Hunters (good ones, conscientious ones) can be some of the most compassionate people. They want a clean kill with no suffering.

candeelady - My Tween Blog said...

If any of my teenagers had decided to become a vegan I would have said fine,I respect your choice, but you may now assume the vegan chef position in this house. I was a girl scout leader for 6 years and I loved it AND learning how to cook for themselves was one of the perks of the program. I also would rather be in my craft room than in the kitchen any day, so no teen experimenting with life roles and political platforms is going to give me more "stove time"