Thursday, June 12, 2008

I am such a P*ssy

And I don't mean pissy. I mean that every time Bob goes out of town - every time - I am up late listening for every little creak that could signify that an intruder is going to crash his way into my home and attempt to ravage its contents (me included) unless I can save us all.

Never mind that we live out in the country, on a dark road that is lit only by the Big Dipper and the rest of the stars. Never mind that there are signs posted all over our property warning potential ravagers of my guard dog. Never mind that when my dog does muster up a bark with her 110 pounds of muscle, she sounds like a lioness guarding her cubs.

Because when I'm up working on the computer and I hear a squeak, or a creak, or the wind rustling a tree branch against the house, I go into fight or flight mode. I sleep with my cell phone and my land line. I double check the locks. I look in the kids' closets (because of course someone has been hiding there all along just waiting for the time when Bob may be out of town), and I hone my hearing skills so that they are probably as good as my dog's. It's exhausting.

Of course, I'm only this way the first couple of nights that he is gone. By the third or fourth night I am so weary of the routine that I fall into bed and I just think - screw it. If tonight is the night a band of burglars breaks in, so be it.

But last night two of the kids slept with me and for some reason I, too, slept like a baby. Why? Do I think that should something happen (and it could, right?) these two little kids, weighing less than a hundred pounds together, are going to join their mother in fighting for safety - kind of like the kids in the Chronicles of Narnia who go from pasty English children to mighty warriors alongside the God Lion, Aslan?

Seriously, folks. I need to do some more self-talking before going to bed. But I must say I get a hell of a lot of work done on these business trips.

22 comments:

The Cube Monkey said...

Here's something to chew on...
If you were a burgler looking to burgler a house, would YOU choose the one with the 4 kids under the age of 13 with the big german shepherd for backup?

Nancy said...

That 110 lb shepherd ... he's got your back ... and your 110 lb self's mommy bear instinct protecting her cubs, would kick in.

I suggest adding a baseball bat to your bed of phones,lol

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Being isolated like that would scare me more than being in a more crowded environment. I figure, what are the odds the burglars will pick my house instead of the hundreds of other ones on my road? And if they do, well, maybe my neighbors will hear me scream.

But yes, I double-check all the locks, etc, too - and I purposely don't stay up late, because of all those scary noises!

Do all women think like this...the "what-if" scenarios?

Sophie's Mom said...

I used to feel the same way. Never slept well, got up for every noise. Now that we have the big, slightly crazy pups, I sleep like a baby. The two of them together would deter anything. Hubby can come and go as he pleases now... lol

Beck said...

Oh, God. Yeah, me too. Whenever my husband is not here, I am FREAKISHLY ALERT all night, since my same-weight (got that?) husband isn't here to give intruders the righteous beat-down.

Sass E-mum said...

Not a problem that I'm familiar with - I'm more of a 'head meets pillow, must sleep' kind of gal.

Amy said...

I do the same thing!! you have no idea how much better i feel, i thought i was a lunatic! i once went to bed with my cell phone AND my car keys-just in case. we too live in the country with no street lights and our house is mostly windows with no curtains. when my husband travels i am so sure that the woods are filled with lurkers waiting until i go to bed...i also leave most of the lights on, again, just in case.

LaLa said...

We are twins I think...I do the same thing! I double check locks like a maniac even when hubby is home though....I do try and check closets and do my other neurotic things when Annslee isn't looking ~ I don't want her growing up a freak like me (I mean us) ha ha

standing still said...

Same deal with the phones. If one goes out, I'm armed with the other.

katydidnot said...

i used to booby trap my doors and windows. then i stopped reading dean koontz and stephen king. good luck. i'm a fraidy cat too.

BetteJo said...

I'm afraid I'm probably not afraid enough! But I've lived without a man in the house for a long time and I'd rather fight off any attackers on my own than let a man back in the house full time!
Part time is fine. But I value my space.

Saucy said...

The kids (now 18 and 13) have always taken turns sleeping with me whenever Dad is out of town, which is about 50% of the time = I never have the bed to myself. The task has now mainly fallen to the 13 year old who brings with her the fluffy-p*ssy dog. Good times.

KathyLikesPink said...

Wow. I remember feeling like that when I lived in big cities in California in the 80's.

I don't know if getting older is what cured me, or living in my tiny town here in Massachusetts.

I'm embarrassed to say that folks here rarely even lock their doors.

KathyLikesPink said...

PS: I wish The Hubs would go on another long business trip - has been too long...I get SO MUCH done when he's gone!!!

Mary Beth said...

For me, it's because there's a sense of shared responsibility that is suddenly missing in the house. I lived alone for a long time and was fine - windows wide open all night. Now that I share the house with someone, if they are not there, I get all freaky - making sure everything is closed up tight and waking to every sound.

Kat said...

I remember my first months as a single mom. I was exhausted from trying to stay awake for the burlgars! I got over it eventually.

Now after being married for seven years, when my husband's gone at night I'm sometimes the same way you are. I think a big part of it is that our three year old sleeps upstairs on the other end of the house, and our room is downstairs. He's far away and if anything happened...shudder. I sometimes wish he still slept with us like he did when he was younger.

Anyway...I feel you, but go to sleep. The burglars will get us if they want to get us.

andi said...

I'm the same way. I don't know why I feel safe, even with my kids in the next room, but they just comfort me. I think, if pressed, the 3-year-old girl might have mad karate skillz.

ablondeblogger said...

LOL! I'm the same way! I'll even feel safe with my little 10 pound Bichon..hahaha.

We just had a break-in and attempted rape in our neighborhood. Through a locked door. He unscrewed all the light bulbs on the first floor and the 4 people and 2 dogs in the house didn't even notice until he was attempting to rape one of the daughters (who is in her 20's).

So now I'm even more paranoid than ever and keep my alarm on 24/7 and my gun safe within arm's reach at all times.

Caroline said...

Now I just put the dishwasher or washing machine on...then when it's parent bedtime - every creak & clutter can be attributed to the machinery (at least I tell myself that).

Bogart in P Towne said...

I still double check locks at home...and I am 6'5 and have had fight training.

Ann said...

I too am more alert when hubby goes out of town. It helps me, though, that we have a good alarm system - without it, I wouldn't sleep as well.

Circus Kelli said...

I do the same thing... I hear every little sound before I finally drop off to sleep when Hubby's out. I also usually either stay up WAY too late, or end up going to bed far earlier than usual.