Friday, November 07, 2008

The Best Chicken Jokes EVER

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. Thechicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

22 comments:

smalltownmom said...

ROFL!

Courtenay said...

i am stealing this to put on my blog. loves it!!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'd love to hear what the gals on The View have to say about the chicken/road incident.

Aan Burhany said...

Thank God! I'm vegetarian!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Very funny!

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Rima said...

Those really ARE the best chicken crossed the road jokes ever!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

LOVE it!

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

Hey, you're back! (my computer has been in rehab and I just got it back)

Happy to see you again.

bernthis said...

LOVE IT!!! Did you make that up? Brilliant! May I add one: JOE BIDEN: Listen folks, that chicken crossed the road. I'm going to say it again, THAT..CHICKEN..CROSSED..THE...ROAD.

Beck said...

Forwarding to my family RIGHT NOW.

BipolarLawyerCook said...

Cluck. Now I know what I'm making for dinner tonight.

Laura said...

This was WAY funnier than I thought it would be! Thanks for the morning laughs!

Audubon Ron said...

Dr. Phil should said, “When you crossed that road, WHAT were you THINKING?”

Lianna said...

hey there
you have no idea who I am, or if you will get this comment, but I found your blog randomly searching (about being a wife of a doc in the air force). I love your blog, it cracks me up, and I have learned lots of great stuff about skin care. Where can I buy some of those muddy h2o skin masks?
Hope you keep blogging because its been great entertainment for this stay at home mom!:)
My email is tommysquirrel@yahoo.com

imbeingheldhostage said...

The best!! I'd like to pass it on to my five year old who is currently in the "making up his own chicken jokes" stage, but somehow I don't think he'll get it.

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